Ren is sitting on a stool, reading an eye chart. It spells out "THIS WILL HURT YOU". Ren reads along with it and gulps loudly. Then, someone takes a giant 'Mega-Shot' syringe and gives him a shot so painful they did it offscreen as Ren screams. He walks slowly up to Stimpy.
Ren: Stimpy, look what they did to my arm!
Ren bares his arm to show a giant, pulsating sore where the shot was given.
Stimpy: Yea, I got shots too...
Stimpy sticks out his tongue to reveal a similar sore.
Ren and Stimpy are at the army barber. He grinds a buzzing electric razor into their scalps. They pick up their uniforms and go outside. The camera pans up and pauses when it comes on their bald heads. They slap on some helmets.
Ren: This army buisiness ain't so bad. I think we've found our niche!
Stimpy nods. Stimpy begins picking his nose while Ren scratches himself. They don't notice the drill seargent next to them.
Drill seargent: Forward har! (Sarge's orders aren't supposed to be understandable)
Ren: What did he say?
Sarge bellows.
Stimpy jumps to attention.
Sarge: Forward har! Hop, frit, drit, frow! Hop, frit, drit, frow! He-bout, pace! Hop, frit, drit, frow! Hop, frit, drit, frow! Company... halt!
Stimpy marches around, Ren runs after him. He finally catches up and does a sloppy salute.
Drill seargant: Remove... cauh!!!!
Sarge grabs Ren with his tongue and holds him up and says "Cain'chu follow horders?" He then throws Ren to the ground so hard cracks appear on Ren's head and the ground.
Sarge: All right, you two insects. Drop and give me 20!
Stimpy immediately ducks down and starts doing pushups. Ren shrugs and pulls out a 20 dollar bill.
Ren: As a rule, I don't like to lend money. But, you got an honest face.
Ren holds the bill up to sarge, who grabs it along with Ren's hand. A crunching sound is heard, and Ren's withered hand falls away. Sarge gets so mad the 20 bursts into flames on his palm and turns black.
Ren and Stimpy are peeling potatoes. Stimpy points his knife at Ren and says "Hey, Ren, I think Sarge likes you best, cuz he gave you the most potatoes to peel!" Stimpy starts to peel his nose as Ren sweats.
Ren and Stimpy are outside a building. A man says over the announcer: "Recruits Ren and Stimpy report for teargas training... duh...."
Ren: Teargas room?
They smell the air, then hold their noses in disgust.
Ren: Man, there's nothing could get me in there.
They walk off, but run into Sarge, who is sitting on a lit cannon pointing towards them. He slowly raises his hand points a finger toward the tear gas room. Ren and Stimpy hurry off inside. The room is full of "X-tra ripe limburger cheese". Stimpy cannot go very long without smelling it, and he begins crying an incredible amount. After losing several gallons of water through excessive crying, he tears outside. Ren casually walks out. Outside, Ren walks up to Stimpy, who is bawling.
Stimpy: Hey... how come... you're not crying?
Ren holds up his finger and exhales: I cheated. I held my breath! Boy, Stimpy, you're such a knucklehead. Listen, you idiot. I'm smart. You're stupid. I know how to get around that big, dopey sarge. Take it from me, kid. I know where I'm going in life.
Ren's speech is cut short as a cannon barrel is rammed in his face. It pulls away and we see who but Sarge is at the controls. He sticks his hand out the barrel and points towards the tear gas room. Ren and Stimpy walks back in as a funeral march plays.
Ren and Stimpy are peeling watermelons. Stimpy sings "Happy happy happy, peel peel peel" while destroying the melon instead of peeling it.
Ren and Stimpy are trudging through the swamp with enormous backpacks. Finally, Ren can take no more and falls over in the mud. He tries to get up several times, but can't, and calls out for Stimpy's help. We then see Stimpy trudging along, with Ren's backpack on top of his, and Ren on top of that! Stimpy stops for a few seconds to breathe and notices a familiar hat rising out of the mud.
Ren: All right, rest period's over. Come on, I said let's get going. You don't want to anger that big, dopey... saaaahahaaarrr....
Ren sees the Sarge is standing right there and does a scream that was originally hand drawn by John K. himself.
Ren and Stimpy drag themselves into their beds. Everyone else is asleep.
Ren: Oh man, my dogs are killing me!
Ren removes his shoes and reveals two swollen, incredibly stinky feet.
Stimpy: Boy, you said it!
(Stimpy's feet are equally swollen and stinky)
Ren: Goodnight, Stimpy.
Stimpy: Goodnight, Ren.
Ren: And now, all I need is eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.....
Ren is blasted out of bed as a bugle starts playing Revielle. He lands in a heap on the floor. He has a dazed look, and there is chanting by albanian women in the background. Ren gets up and looks at his bed.
Ren: No... no sleep.... No sleep..... no bed! Hee he he heeee... Ren grabs an axe and chops his bed to smithereens. He suddenly stops when the Sarge bellows something. Ren looks at Stimpy's bed and at his own (or what's left of it), then throws the axe away. The Sarge makes them march away, and we can see the axe landed in Stimpy's helmet.
Ren and Stimpy are peeling H-Bombs. Ren is bawling uncontrollably.
Ren and Stimpy are sitting on a stoop to a building. Ren slowly closes his eyes, then suddenly becomes very tense and looks around cautiously. He leans over to Stimpy and says "Psst... Hey Guido. It's all so clear to me now. I'm the keeper of the cheese, and you're the lemon merchant, get it? And he knows it! That's why he's gonna kill us! We gotta get outta here! Yea! Before he lets loose the marmosets on us! Don't worry, little missy, I'll save you!" Ren grabs Stimpy and runs off. He trips, and they both land in front of Sarge. Sarge leans down and extends a hand toward them. He looks like he's about to kill them when he grabs Ren's hand and shakes it. He says "Congrabulations! You graduated! You're full fledged tank paratroopers!" Ren and Stimpy scream with delight.
Ren and Stimpy are in a tank in a plane.
Ren: Stimpy, we made it! Not only do we get these cool uniforms, and this swell tank, we're also proud members of an elite fighting force!
Ren and Stimpy salute and start singing...
Oh beautiful for spacious skies
For amber waves of grain
For purple mountain's majesty
Above the fruited plane
America, America, God shed his grace on thee...
Ren and Stimpy's tank gets dropped out of the plane into the air. There are explosions all around as their parachute comes out. It fades to black and we hear someone sing "Cha-cha-cha!" (This was also sung during the title card).
