Ren and Stimpy Scripts by Mike Bunker

Black Hole

Opening shot is of deep space. Cuts to 'danger' music and we see CH/CS's ship getting sucked into a black hole.
Commander Hoek: Captain's log, emergency report! We're fast being sucked into the hideous vortex... of a black hole! Our rocket engines are useless. We're trying everything, even manual override! (We see Stimpy presses the 'manual override' button so hard his finger deflates like a balloon.) ... but to no avail. Our shipboard computer suggests one last alternative...
We see a computer terminal with the words "Start screaming" flashing on it.
CH/CS start screaming at the top of their lungs as they are stretched out of shape and twisted around as their ship is being sucked into the black hole. Finally, it is sucked in. We see a bizarre landscape and a vortex of light in the background. A bizarre sound sort of like laughing is heard and Ren and Stimpy appear on the ground in a flash of light. They slowly look around then at each other.
Ren: (Grabs Stimpy) We're alive! Alive I tell you, alive! Flesh and blood, not wax! Do you realize, we're the first dog and cat to pass through a black hole and live to tell the tale, and now here we are in this wonderous new universe, completely unaffected by the journey!
It pans down and we see CH/CS have no pants on, just underwear. Stimpy grimaces.

Ren: We'd better scout around and do some exploring.
Stimpy: Yes sir! We'll split up! (Stimpy starts to walk in two directions at once and pulls apart into two copies of himself.
Ren: Good idea! What a great couple of guys he is.... WAAAAAH! Pull yourself together, misters!
The cadet Stimpys eye each other and then one slowly climbs inside the other's mouth, who swallows and looks slightly embarrased.

Ren: Cadet Stimpy and myself find ourselves in a strange new universe, a world where the very physical laws of nature do not apply.
We see Ren and Stimpy walking along as they pass by a large pink sheep with just two legs and standing upright, a purple head on a pedestal, a tree, and a fish with legs that has a black and white colored man riding in it.

The background changes to roasted turkeys floating by (hey, this universe is supposed to be weird). The ground looks like human skin with hair, and there's a thumb with a leaf on it in the background. Ren and Stimpy walk on screen, sweating profusely.
Stimpy: Boy, cap'n, I'm pooped.
Ren: Ok, I'm pooped too. We'll rest here.
Ren and Stimpy go to sit down, and the bottom halves of their bodies disconnect and sit down, while the upper halves of their bodies float in midair.
Ren: Man, it feels good to sit down.
Stimpy: Boy, you said it, cap'n.
Stimpy starts picking his nose. Ren's eyes float off his head and bump into Stimpy's nose. Ren gets angry.
Ren: Belay that nose picking, cadet!
Stimpy: Yes sir, cap'n, sir!
Stimpy lifts his hand to salute, and his nose detaches from his face and stays on the finger he was picking it with. Ren: Cadet Stimpy and myself have begun to explore this strange new world. In fact, we feel strangely energized, and have picked up our pace a bit.
The camera pans onto Ren and Stimpy and we can see Stimpy's head is shaped like a cube and Ren's is unusually tall. Ren's head also has orange lumps on the back, and he only has one eye. Ren sees something in the distance.
Ren: Hey, Cadet Stimpy, let's climb that mountain, so we can learn the lay of the land.
Stimpy: Uh, eye eye cap'n!
Stimpy has one large, hideously swelled and veiny eye.

Ren: Cadet Stimpy and myself have begun to set out for the strange mountain. The closer we get to the mountain, the more we notice an odor. A repugnant, yet somehow delicious aroma. A stench, if you will.
Ren and Stimpy are walking. The backgorund looks like fish skeletons floating along.
Ren: Got to... keep going... musn't... give up... HEY! Cadet Stimpy, we made it!
They run up to the mountain.
Ren: Now I see from whence the stench came!
Ren and Stimpy climb up the mountain and stop at the very top.
Stimpy: Hey, I think I can see our house from here!
Ren: This mountain is nothing but a pile of stinky old gym socks!
Stimpy screams and says: It's my missing left sock! I've been looking for this everywhere! (Stimpy grabs a sock) I've got one just like it at home. We cats just love stinky socks. (Stimpy starts rubbing it on his head) Ren: Left sock.. hmm... That's it! These are all left socks! This is where all the missing left socks in the universe go! Ren picks up a pile and thinks. In his thought bubble we see Ren wearing a lot of medals and a man. Stimpy is chewing on his sock, suddenly we hear a beeping. He swallows it and pulls out his tricorder.
Stimpy: Hey, cap'n, this space time doohickey says if we don't get to the trans-di-mensional gateway by three o' clock... we'll be trapped here forever!
Ren (from under a pile of socks): Thank you, Herr President. It's my pleasur- three o' clock??? That's five minutes! How far away is the nearest gateway?
Stimpy points: One mile that-a-way!
They dart off and arrive at the bus station.
Ren: Only twenty-five seconds to spare! (A mile in four minutes 35 seconds? How fast can these guys run?) The transdimensional gateway is a city bus. The drive shouts: "All aboard! Now departing black hole for Jersey City and all points up!"
Ren and Stimpy slither onto the bus (they have mutated into slugs).
Ren: Cadet Stimpy, we made it! We're home free! Two tickets please!
Ren hands the driver a dollar.
Driver: Hey! Can't you read? (The driver points to a sign that says "Exact change only!") Exact change only!
Ren and Stimpy are thrown off the bus as it disappears in a flash.
Stimpy: Now what do we do?
Ren: Well, we'll probably continue to mutate, and soon our very molecular structure will begin to break up. I'm sure our atoms will disperse slowly, throughout the universe. I guess it's hopeless.
Stimpy: Wait I have an idea! I can set this space time doohickey to our molecular wavelengths, switch it into reverse, and turn it up to full blast... and we'll simply implode!
Ren: Implode.... what's that?
Stimpy: Oh, sorry, cap'n, you're a layman, aren't you? I'll try to explain it in technical terms... Imploding is.... uh... well it's like... uh..... wait! I'll show you!
Stimpy makes a moaning sounds for a bit until his waist sort of collapses upon itself (try it, everyone can do this).
Ren: Stimpy, you're a genius! Stimpy, I can always count on you when the chips are down. All right, let's do it!
Stimpy fiddles with his tricorder for a bit.
Stimpy: Well, there you have it. In just five seconds, we implode!
Ren and Stimpy hug each other.
Ren: Been nice knowing ya. You're a good kid. See ya 'round, pal...
They both start to sing: Memmmories....
Stimpy pauses and puts his hand into his pocket. He takes out a pile of coins.
Stimpy: Oh, silly me. I had a whole pocketful of change, all along. Kinda ironic, huh Ren?
Ren starts to fume and growl at Stimpy when suddenly one of Stimpy's legs gets sucked into his body. His nose is next, until he collapses upon himself and is gone. Ren turns to the audience, and his hat implodes onto his head. He then completely implodes, too. It cuts to the Ren and Stimpy logo with the sound of a fly buzzing around, and on it Ren and Stimpy's faces have imploded.