Ren and Stimpy Scripts by Mike Bunker
The Littlest Giant
Ren and Stimpy are getting ready for bed.
Stimpy: And please bless Grandma, and Grandpa...
Ren: And please give me a million dollars, and, oh yea, huge pectoral muscles.
Both: Amen!
Ren and Stimpy yawn and stretch, Stimpy turns around to see the flap on his pajamas is undone.
Stimpy: Will you button me, Ren?
Ren: Sure thing, pal.
Ren buttons Stimpy's flap and they both hop into bed.
Later, Stimpy is trying to sleep, but he just can't. Finally, he taps Ren on the head, who turns around.
Ren: What ees eet, man?
Stimpy: Will you read me... a bedtime story?
Ren: "Read me a bedtime story?" Read it yourself!
Stimpy hops up and grabs his litterbox, out of which he pulls a book. He fliips through it to a page and shows it to the audience, saying "Oh, this looks wonderful!" It has a picture of Stimpy in green medieval peasant-like clothes. He tries to read, but finds he cannot. He slowly turns the book upside-down and finds that oddly enough he can read it now. He narrates:
Stimpy: "Duh.... Once upon a time...... there lived a..... uh..... oh yea! A giant!"
His slow reading puts Ren to sleep almost instantly, who starts dreaming the story...
We see a house, with a very large Stimpy resting one of his feet on it. Stimpy continues: "He was a handsome giant. But he was different from the other giants. He was the... uh..." at this the Stimpy on the house frowns. "Oh yea! The littlest giant!" The camera pans out and we see two other giants, each about three times as tall as Stimpy. One looks like Curly and one looks like Larry, though they're both cats like Stimpy.
Larry Giant: "Why, he's barely enormous."
Curly Giant: "He's merely huge!"
Larry Giant: "He's no bigger than a house!"
One of the giants pokes Stimpy in the eyes and Stimpy says "Hey, why don't you pick on someone your own size!" Then, the other giant uses it's nose like a hand to punch Stimpy. Then, one of them gives one of the rawest wedgies ever seen on cable tv. One of them then grabs his ears and twists them around. Stimpy runs away crying as the big giants laugh at him. One says "You'll never have any friends, you're too little to have any friends!" Stimpy continues narrating: "All the bigger giants laughed at the little giant."
It then goes to a night scene of Stimpy sitting on a rock near a large lit-up sign that says "Welcome to Hugevania" (There's an umlaut over the u, but I don't know how to insert it). Stimpy narrates: "Finding his life in Hugevania unbearable, the littlest giant decided to run away." Stimpy cries for a bit, then takes out a picture of one of the giants holding him while another punches his stomach. Stimpy sneezes into the picture and puts it away, and takes out a paper and oversized quill pen. Stimyp dictates as he writes: "To my dearest friends, the big mean giants. I am running away forever. Your punching bag, littlest giant." He then cries again, and then eats the letter.
The next day, we see Stimpy with a hankerchief on a stick walking. Stimpy narrates: "With a tear in his eye, the littlest giant left the village of Hugevania never to return again." We hear screams and crunches as he walks behind hills and off screen. He comes to an ocean, and just walks into it. His hat floats along the surface until he surfaces at the other side.
Stimpy continues reading: "Meanwhile, in the village of... uh... Thumbsville..." We see a far off shot of a town, all the buildings are thumbs with roofs on top. We see a barren farm, no plants and very few sickly animals. Stimpy continues: "Wee Ren, of the Wee Folk, sat aside his well."
Ren: Oh woe is I,
The well has gone dry
And my cow will just give powdered milk.
I tell you no lie,
My sow, she does fry,
And my chickens... they only lay silt... (We see a chicken straingfully lay an egg, then it hatches and it's full of dust. The chicken almost faints.)
Stimpy narrates: "Then, one morning, Wee Ren awoke to the sound of large sobbing and crying." Ren opens his window and looks out. "And there, next to the well, was the Littlest Giant, sobbing his gigantic little heart out." Stimpy's eyes water over with tears, then are shot out in chunks by his eyes, right into Ren's well. It's already full. "And, lo, the littlest giant's tears filled up the well to overflowing!" Ren and his cow both burp as they stare at the well. Ren's cow zooms out and gulps down several gallons. It's udders swell until they're about to burst, and Ren grins as he points his thumb at the cow. We hear a crowd cheering. Ren runs up to the giant.
Ren: "Oh, Mr Giant, you've saved the farm! You are my true friend!"
Stimpy grabs Ren and says: "Friend? I'm your.. your friend?"
Ren: "Sure! You're the biggest friend I've ever had!"
Stimpy: "I'm your friend, and... and I'm big?"
Ren: "Big? You kidding? You're repulsively titanic!"
Stimpy: "I've never had a friend before..." Stimpy chokes up and a booger hangs out his nose.
Ren: "Just name it, pal, and I'll do anything!"
Stimpy pauses... "Anything?"
Ren: "That's right, anything."
Stimpy: "Really? Absolutely anything?"
Ren: (Getting annoyed) "Anything you say, man..."
Stimpy: "Anything my tiny heart desires?"
Ren: "Yes, anything, you fat bloated idiot!"
Stimpy: "What a pal!... Would you uh.... scratch my back?"
Ren: "Sure, I'd be gla-a-a-aaaa!"
Stimpy lifts Ren over his back and uses him like a backscratcher.
Stimpy: "And, uh... comb my hair, pluck my eyebrows, do my nails, mend my clothes, brush my teeth, and shave my tongue!" We see a shot of Rend doing the varius tasks as Stimpy lists then, we hear a scream as Ren shaves Stimpy's tongue.
We see Stimpy moving along. Stipmy narrates: "And so, the littlest giant's heart was filled with blood. Wee Ren agreed to let the littlest giant live with him forever." It pans out and we can see Ren is carrying Stimpy.
Then we see Thumbsville at night. Ren is sleeping in his bed when a very loud sound is heard and the screen starts shaking. It scrolls down and we see Stimpy's nose is in the bed below him, the rest of Stimpy is outside sleeping.
Stimpy: "And they lived happily ever after. Joy, joy."
As it fades out we hear a slap and Stimpy screaming.