Ren knocks on Jack's door and he immediately opens the top half (it's one of those types of doors) and bellows "Who disturbs Pierre?"
Jaques looks down and sees them. Jaques: Oh, it's the little paper babies!
Ren: Euh- It's the matter of your bill, Mr. La Jaquis sir...
Jaques grabs Ren and lifts him up. "Aw, how cute! Ouvrez la bouche!" (That means "Open your mouth") Jaques squeezes Ren's mouth open and throws the bill in. "Voila! Is it... tasy.... mon ami?" Ren nods as he chews nervously. "Bon!" ("Good").
Jaques: Look at you, you little mosquoito, so skinny and rotted out... and your bloated little piggy! Teesk teesk! Why don't you become a lumberjack, and be a man, like my wife Fifi!
The camera pans over and we see a large muscular woman grab a stump and rip it out of the ground with her bare hands. A Russian general pops out of the hole and says "Ya, be a lumberjack!" (I don't 'get' that part...)
Jaquis: So, what do you say, boys?
Stimpy grabs Ren and squeezes his neck and says: Come on, Ren! I wanna be a man, like the nice lady!
Ren: (Choked) Ok, ok!
Jaques: Bon! Allons-y! (Let's go!) Tout suite! (All speed/Very quickly!)
He opens the bottom half of the door to reveal he's actually quite short, and grabs Ren and Stimpy and tucks them under his arm. He then hops on a log, which whinnies and somehow goes off down the road.

Jaques is standing on a stump with a poster behind him. Ren and Stimpy watch from a log.
Jaques: Le lesson nombre une! (Lesson number one) This... is a tree! (Jaques points to the picture of a tree) People say to Pierre.... Jaques, why do you cut down the tree? Are they not.... tres belles? (Very beautiful)
Ren and Stimpy and Jaques all nod. Suddenly, Jaques screams "NO! These people are fools! They do not know of the eternal struggle of man versus wood! The tree is a dangerous and crafty devil, you must stay downwind ofthem. The timber, she will... charge if spooked!" Jaques puts his hand on his head like antlers and roars at Ren and Stimpy. "And on top of that, they have an allie. Ze 'orrible, ze murderous, spiny treelobster!" Jaques points to a poster of a spiny tree lobster with the word "TREETOPISLOBSERIOUS" below it. They look like lobsters that stand upright and have hair like Moe from the Three Stooges and a bow tie. "Watch out for this little fellow. He will defend his tree to the death! And once they get their claws on you, they will never, EVER let go!" Jaques grabs and crushes Ren's head for effect. "Regarder (look), zis one's been here since Bastille Day. Ho ho ho" Jaques turns around to reveal a lobster firmly clamping his butt. "Now to be ze lumberjack, you must first find ze tree. And zees book will 'elp you! I want you to digest ever page!" Jaques holds up a book that says "Timber Scouts." Stimpy opens his mouth and Jaques shoves the book in. Stimpy chews on it thoughtfull and says "Mmmmmmm... pulpy...." Jaques holds up a whip and says "Bon. Now go get those trees, tout suite! (Very quickly)" Jaques snaps the whip at Ren and Stimpy and they run off.

Ren and Stimpy are walking along, holding a saw.
Ren: We've been trudging for miles. And I still don't see no stinkin' trees! (All around them there are stumps) I say we go back to being paperboys!
Jaques is on a nearby cliff riding a beaver: WHAT? Shame on you! A lumberjack never says die! What a couple of pigs!
Stimpy: Oh boy, when do we get to ride beavers?
Jaques: Cut down the tree, and you will be up to your eyebrows in zem! Hi-ho beaver away!

Ren and Stimpy are trudging along. Ren sees a tree in the distance.
Ren: I don't know how much longer I can go on, man...... Hey! Stimpy, is that a tree?
Stimpy: Hang on, Ren. I'll check the book.
Stimpy punches himself in the stomach, and his tongue pops out with a piece of paper on it. Ren tears Stimpy's tongue off and looks at it. It has a picture of a tree and the caption "Tree, Stupid"
Ren: Hmmm, let's see now.....Yep, it's a tree all right.
Ren and Stimpy: Hooray, let's cut it down!
They tear over to the tree, but as it gets closer, they see it's only a few feet tall.
Stimpy: Oh, no, Ren! Look! It's a baby tree!
A beaver comes by and eats the tree instantly. Ren and Stimpy smile at the beaver, who burps on them. It then has a shot of Ren and Stimpy covered in pine needles, Ren has a bird's nest in his mouth and Stimpy's mouth is full of pinecones.

Ren and Stimpy are again trudging along, again.
Ren sees a forest in the distance.
Ren: Stimpy, is that a tree?
Stimpy: Hold on, Ren. I'll check the book again.
Ren stops Stimpy and says: Hey, buddy, let me give you a hand.
Stimpy: Be my guest, pal o' mine.
Stimpy shoves his stomach foreward and Ren smacks him with a mighty blow. Stimpy flies offscreen and it starts raining papers. Ren lets one fall into his hand. It says "Forest, Dunderhead" with a picture of a forest.
Stimpy: Well? Ren: It's a forst! How are we ever gonna find any trees with this stupid forest in the way! We might as well just go home empty handed, shunned and ridiculed by our peers. They'll point and say 'Oh, look, look at the logless freaks! And then they'll laugh....
Ren was walking away while talking, and he bumps right into a tree.
Ren: Stimpy, it's a tree!
They grab their saws and are about to cut it down.
Stimpy: Hey Ren, aren't you worried about the spiny tree lobsters getting us?
Ren: Jaques just made that up to scare us.
They begin to saw the tree down. A sign appears that says "3 hours later" with a bunch of flowers around it. Ren and Stimpy are still sawing and have made no progress. They're both extremely sweaty.
Ren: ">Whew<... Man this is tough going." Ren taps on the tree. "Huh? No wonder! This stupid tree is full of wood! They should fill 'em up with something easier to cut, like uh, tapioca pud-
Suddenly a claw taps Ren on the shoulder and he turns around and screams. A spiny tree lobster is standing there.
Lobster: Oh, a tree killer, eh? I'll murder you. But first I'm gonna teach you a lesson!
The lobster grabs Ren and carries him up the tree. Lobster: Come with me, you moron. I'm gonna show you something. The lobster walks right up the side of the tree and puts Ren in front of a nest.
Lobster: This nest is where Mr. and Mrs. Hornet make their home.
Ren looks inside. Mr. Hornet is in bed with his wife. He gets up and goes to Ren (Only Ren's eye is visible through the hole).
Mr. Hornet: Hey, bubby, what do you, you like what you see? Huh? Well, well, you just wait right here, I'll give ya something to look at!
The hornet flies to the other end of the nest and jabs Ren's eye with it's stinger.
He holds Ren behind a creature that looks like a bird with no feathers with a large beak and butt.
Lobster: Come on, Fido. I got someone else to show ya. Here, we have the rare and beautiful creature who's habitat you have threatened. The bulbous-beaked hornblower, known for its unusual beak, and haunting mating call.
The bird lets loose a mammoth fart on Ren.
Lobster: Come on, you chowderhead, I got one last thing to show you.
The lobster carries Ren up a nest.
Lobster: My nest, and my own beautiful lobsterling chicks.
Two baby lobsters pop up and start peeping.
Ren: Aw, they're so cute. You must be awfully proud of the little nippers. (Ren chuckles until the babies tear off his nose and scalp)
The lobster drops Ren on the ground and says "So, Mr. Big Shot Lumberjerk, what have you learned about nature today?"
Ren: What did I learn today? I'll show you what I learned today! (Ren leaps offscreen and onto a bulldozer) Yes, I, Ren Hoek, learned nature can be cruel, but I can be crueler! Kill the tree, kill the tree, kill, kill, ha ha ha hahahaaaaaa!
Ren drives the bulldozer right through the tree.
Ren: I love being a lumberjack!
Stimpy: Ren, how could you?
Ren: (Mocking)Ren, how could you? Did big bad lumberjack destroy cute little creature's home?
Stimpy starts twitching and points behind Ren: Yea... his home....
The lobster grabs Ren and is fuming mad.
Lobster: Why you, you... lumberjack! (The lobster kisses Ren) Oh, my heart swells with pride.
The lobster pulls its head off to reveal Jaques!
Jaques: Congratulations! You passed the test. Now, you are a real lumberjack! But, let me show you how we really harvest the tree! We don't saw them down anymore... (Jaques leads them to a cliff overlooking a forest with a dynamite control box on it.) We blow them up.
Jaques shouts "Yvette Mimeux!" as he pushes the lever. All the trees blow up.
Jaques: Well, work's over, aujourd'hui (today). Let us go to the lumberjack club and unwind.
They are back at 'Club Log'. They are standing near a hottub.
Jaques: We lumberjacks always top off a hard day's work with a hot dip in The wolverine whirlpool! A real manly treat!
They all hop in.
Jaques: Well, how do you like the whirlpool, eh?
Ren: Nice pool...
Stimpy: But... where's the whirl?
Jaques: That's the wolverine's job! Ok, boys! Time to get to work!
The camera pans over to two wolverines in the pool. They give him a thumbs up and go underwater.
Jaques: Now... wolverine!!!!!!
It irises out on all of them screaming as the water churns and a buzzing sound is heard.