Ren and Stimpy Scripts by Mike Bunker

Untamed World

The credits are shown at the beginning, there is a shot of Ren wearing a safari outfit riding on an elephant that looks like Stimpy. On it's side appears the credits. Oddly enough, the first thing that appears is "A Cartoon", and then the credits...
It goes to a shot of the words "Untamed World" as outlines of animals scroll around it.
It goes to a shot of Ren wearing the safari outfit in an office will all sorts of nature things in it.
Ren: Welcome to another exciting episode of Untamed World. I'm your host, Marlon Hoek. And over here we have my courageous assistant Stimpy. (Pans over to Stimpy holding a net, he salutes) Today, we focus on the vast diversity of (closeup of Ren's mouth)organisms that have evolved on our humble planet. To observe some of this vast variety, we will travel to the fabled Galapagos Islands, a virtual textbook of the process of evolution.
Today, we retrace the footsteps of the famous naturalist Charles Darwin, who thousands of years ago, came upon these remote islands formed by piles of volcanic material thrown up in a fiery cataclysm! These islands have produced a plethora of exotic mandibles. Each is life's variation on a similar theme. (The camera pans several islands, one of which has a marine iguana with a small bird on its back, and one has a cave with animal's eyes flashing inside it and growling.)
For instance, on one island we find the elusive horny-billed chihuahua. This handsome creature has evolved a rather large beak, which it uses to find delectable nuts hiding in the grass. (We see a creature that looks like Ren but with a large, lumpy red beak. It is softing through some grass. It pulls a nut out of the grass and places it on the ground) He uses this powerful appendage to burst open the hard shell in order to get the soft, pulpy, nutmeats inside. (The creature lifts up its bill and smashes the nut with it. It then grabs the nuts and swallows it and then chews (yes, it swallows then chews.)
On a nieghboring island, we find the needlebilled chihuahua. (The camera comes to another animal that looks like Ren, this one has a long, thin beak. It's standing on a log. It pecks at a hole while Ren and Stimpy walk up to it.) This fellow has adapted his beak for obtaining food in hollow logs and other hard-to-get-at places. (The chihuahua stands there for a bit, then starts pecking in Stimpy's nose. It stops and looks dazed, then continues pecking in his nose.)

On the same island we find the leviathan of tourtises, the giant, soft shelled Stimpy. We are about to witness a miracle of nature. Every thirty years, this marvelous creature painstakingly drags its ponderous bulk to a secluded spot on the beach, where she digs a hole in the sand and begins her beautiful ritual. (We see a turtle with a head that looks like Stimpy's grip the sand and strain hard. It cuts to a shot of the nest as eggs fall into it.) The job done, the mother Stimpy buries her young. Then, after concealing her payload of life, she mysteriously drags herself back to the sea. Where she goes, nobody knows. But then, in just a few months, something beautiful happens. Life begins anew. (The camera shows some of the eggs hatching. The baby Stimpys climb out and begin walking towards the sand.) It's really amazing how these cute little fellows instinctively drag themselves to the sea, yet few escape the keen eyesight of the hungry seagull. Even now, nature's scavenger has spotted an unfortunate newborn. (We see a seagull flying high above. It looks down and smiles evilly, then darts toward the turtle.)
Stimpy: Oh, Mr. Hoek! Here comes old man seagull! AHH! We've got to help the poor little turtle!
Ren holds Stimpy back and says: No my friend, we must not interfere, for it is nature's way. Yes, it may seem cruel, but we must admire the skill with which this powerful scavenger stalks his meal. (The seagull stands in front of the turtle and starts huffing and puffing and growling and showing his teeth) See how he spreads his magnificent plumes, how he exposes his powerfull, gleaming inscisors, paralyzing his victim with fright! YES, this look like IT! (The seagull roars hideously at the turtle, then suddenly stops and puts his hand on the turtle's back)
Seagull: Say, mack, could you like, spare some change for, like, a bite to eat?
Turtle: What? Daaah.... (Hands the seagull a quarter) HERE! Now go on, SCRAM!
Seagull: Like, Bless you, sir! (The seagull flies away)
Turtle: Deadbeat...
Ren and Stimpy wipe some sweat off their foreheads.

Ren and Stimpy are going into a cave at nightime.
Ren: Here we are, deep in the bowels of a stinking hot cave, which has not been penetrated by light in millions of years. What kind of creatures could possibly live in an environment such as this?
The flashlights shows a few creatures scurrying around. They look like Ren, except they're completely white, and vieny, and they have no pupils. The flashlight stops on one, which freezes.
Ren: I'm going to be sick! (Sounds of retching) Nevertheless, the blind albino cave Hoek has developed a keen sense of radar, which it uses to track its prey.
The top of the blind albino cave Hoek's head opens up and a radar thing comes out. It shoots out radio waves for a bit, then a mosquito flies by and the radar points toward it. The radar goes back inside its head, and the blind albino cave Hoek uses its long tongue to catch the mosquito. The sound of someone screaming is heard as the blind albino cave Hoek chews.
Ren: There, he's got it! Thanks to the magic of the slow-motion camera, we can now show you just how ugly the inside of someone's mouth can be!
The scene goes back to the blind albino cave Hoek catching the bug, but when it sticks out its tongue we can see the tongue has a hand on the end, and it smacks the bug a number of times, then grips it between its thumb and forefinger, and carefully lays it inside the blind albino cave Hoek's mouth.

It cuts to an outdoors shot with a squirrel sitting on a log eating an acorn.
Ren: Now, we in the nature game know how important the art of camoflage is.
We see a moosehead sitting on the ground. It lifts up and Ren and Stimpy's legs stick out. (The disquise is just a mounted moosehead, there's no body attached to it) They run forward and stop behind the squirrel. They then pick up again and run offscreen and we hear them splashing into the water. The squirrel stares for a bit, then unscrews the top of the acorn and gargles it like it was a thermos.
Ren: Soon, we approach the mating grounds of a creature from the prehistoric past. The terrible, fearsome, Crocostimpy! (We see an orange and grey crocodile sitting on the ground. It lifts up its head and it looks like Stimpy. Ren and Stimpy are looking out of the moose's mouth.
Ren: If we listen very carefully, we just might hear the beautiful, haunting mating call of this majestic beast. Listen, you idiot.
The CrocoStimpy looks up and says "HAPPY HAPPY, JOY JOY!" Suddenly, it stands up and carries a lunchbox. A bus full of Crocostimpys pulls up and it hops on. They all chant "HAPPY HAPPY, JOY JOY!" as the Crocostimpy takes a seat, and the Crocostimpy bus driver drives off.
Ren and Stimpy are walking carefully in the forest.
Ren: Today, we stalk the wily, speckle-throated, burrowing five toed yak.
Stimpy: And I'm going to tag him! (Stimpy holds up a pair of metal tongs.
Ren: There's its lair. (Ren points to a hole in the ground) Quietly, patiently, we wait.
The yak appears, tiptoing behind them, holding its hoofs in its hands so they won't make noise. Suddenly, Ren notices it and yells: "Hey bubby, where's your tag???" The yak screams and they run after it.
Ren: Quick, follow that yak!
The yak runs away with Ren and Stimpy following.
Ren: The tranquilizer, man, use the tranquilizer!
Stimpy is carrying a blowgun. He smiles and lifts it up, then blows through it, sending one nasty looking tranquilizer dart out. Stimpy misses and it hits Ren instead. Ren starts to slow down.
Ren: You there, yak! It's no use.... to... re..sist, you're no match.... for us.... you.... creeeature.. youuuuuu......
Ren falls over and shakes for a bit, then lies there. Stimpy runs up.
Stimpy: Oh boy! I got one, I got one!
All Ren can do is look at Stimpy as Stimpy lifts Rens ear and tags it with a >shloomp<.
The camera cuts to a shot of a lizard that looks like Ren. It's standing in the desert, and trying to raise its legs to keep off the hot sand.
Ren: Finally on our quest, we visit a species with a unique method for fighting the searing heat of the desert sand.
The creature switches which hands it keeps on the ground for a bit, then finally raises all four of its hands off the ground and simply floats there. It sighs happily as it flexes its toes.
Ren: Now see the unusual hind leg running style, distinctive to the frilled Ren. (We see the creature is running only on its hind legs even though it's a lizard. The creature then climbs up a tree and stands on a branch.) Often, this perky little lizard will perform a fascinating display. Watch it now, as it extends and inflates its neck sack. It does this in order to attract...... nature show hosts! (The creature inflates a sac on its neck, and nature show hosts pop up out of the trees and bushes and start taking pictures)
We're back in Ren and Stimpy's office. There is a photograph of the frilled Ren on Ren's desk.
Ren: Each creature is important in the scheme of the untamed world, and we must preserve this delicate balance. For, without creatures such as the frilled Ren, there would be no nature show hosts. (Ren and Stimpy turn to the camera and smile) Say, Stimpy, what's that on your tongue?
Stimpy sticks his tongue out and Ren smiles. He quickly tags Stimpy's tongue and turns to the camera to reveal the tag on his own ear from earlier in the episode.
Ren: See you again for Untamed World!