I dedicate this book of thought firstly to God with whom I have all that I need.

Secondly, to Bapharoh for all thoughts shared. You are my blessing.

Thirdly, Clisha D. Wells-Smith for being my best friend through spirit link.

Rest in peace Clee. And thank you so very much to all three.
 

"There's No Love Lost Where There's No Love" is a compilation of poems I have written about different situations I have encountered dealing with love, emotion, commitment, and devotion.

It expresses the reality of relation.

Men and women for years have had problems communicating, and getting along.

Most of the time we cut ourselves short by giving up; moving on to what we might like better.

Sometimes we need to sit back, meditate, and become at peace with ourselves.

We need to take a deep breath, pray and ask God to show us the way. When God makes a way for you to stay, then you pray that He make it better. Should He open a doorway for your exit, then you pray that your journey is safe and ask that He

Grant you something better. There is nothing like that point between now and then, when there was

Love and when love was lost. Memories paralyze thoughts. Tears overflow. We all know the symptoms of a broken heart.

The truth of the matter is that it is painful to be hurt.

The reality is that that is life.

How you deal with it; and what you make it is strictly up to you.

With God's will, we make our own heaven here on earth.

Pain does not have to suspend our time...only when we let it.

We have to realize what is causing us pain.

We have to isolate that particular thing and adjust it so it will not hurt anymore.

What we must realize is, that no one else can do it but us, ourselves.

Once we realize that we can form our solution, and do it.

I have come to the realization in my life, that the man I share my love with is the only man I want to share my love.

He is the beginning of my true love and the always.

There is no other.

Since I realize this for myself, I also realize, that everything between us is not always going to be perfect.

Sometimes he is going to get on my nerves, and make me angry, even make me sick.

Still and all, he is beautiful, wonderful, and the only one for me.

I have to figure out which circumstances are best for us to get along.

What will I sacrifice? What will I not? I have to hold on to my beliefs and morals, for they make me myself.

In order to accomplish, we must work at it.

In order to have, we must start with a sturdy foundation, (God).

In order to succeed, we must come to realize the effects of reality.
 
 

What burns the fire?

What burns the fire?

What lights the torch?

What calls us together on a moonlit porch?

How do we know?

How do we see?

How can we fit together so naturally?

Where does it come from?

Where does it hide?

Where is it when i feel so lonely inside?

Why is it limited?

Why doesn't it last?

Why can't we get together and forget the past?

Can't we be in love?

Can't we have the dreams?

Can't you open up your eyes and see what it means?

What burns the fire?

What's it all about?

What the hell did i do to make you put it out?

March 18, 1996 (1)

Shadowed rose

i love my rose in my garden

I put her in a special place

Away from all the other roses

Because of her beautiful face

She loves me so when she sees me

Her smile it glows in the sunshine

But when i leave that old oak tree

Blocks the sun so that she can't shine

She seemed so happy when she was planted

Because her buds grew big and bright

But now her days are dark and lonely

She thinks she'll never see the light

When i came back one twenty-fifth morning

I went to kiss my roses head

But what i saw with withered sadness

Was that my sweet rose was dead

I buried my rose because she deserved

A much better life i should propose

I singled her out and she couldn't take it

My beautiful, beloved, shadowed rose
 
 

Just to have you

just to have that gentle touch

That loving smile i need so much

Just to feel your warm embrace

To be around a familiar face

Just to feel like i'm understood

To be there for me like i knew you would

Just to have a caring man

With a strong hug and a caressing hand

Just to have a tender kiss

With sweetness, laughter, and heavenly bliss

Just to spend some quality time

With a man so sweet, so gentle, so fine

Just to have you mate my soul

When passionate fire burns us whole

Just to hear you whisper in my ear

Makes me shiver and shake without fear

Just to need you the times when you 're away

Makes my heart beat faster and then delay

Just to have you my dear would save my frets

And it'll also be a journey you'll never forget

Forgiving me

February 28, 1996

Going through the hell in you, wishing for heaven above.

Hurting each other off and on, kissing away the tears.

Giving each other confidence, chasing away the fears.

Seeing the hurt in your eyes when i went astray.

Watching how the pain would grow when i went away.

Saying things that crushed your heart, took away your smile.

Doing things that made you cry, drifting all the while.

Seeing you intoxicated, falling all over the place.

Not hearing from you for months and months, forgetting your face.

Watching our son look for a father in times we were left alone.

Struggling trying to take care of us when i was on my own.

And constantly you say to forgive you for all the wrongs you've done.

That i should not protect myself and allow my love be won.

But what has helped me forgive you, and has put me at ease.

Is that i don't have to worry, and beg, and constantly say please.

You've hurt me and i've hurt you, it's something i had to accept.

And still i remember the love between us and all the times we wept.

You have to understand i forgive you, if only you could see.

I let the pain go that's between us when i started forgiving me.

April 25, 1996

Tis to self and no one else 'tis a secret i'll tell myself 'tis something that only i know one other person can tell it sohe won't tell he's so afraid of all the consequences that we have made but still i go around open my mouth it's just that nothing has yet come outwe did what we did we know it's wrong but should that be a reason to be all alone? No i think we could pull it off just talk a little whisper and move a little soft can it be can it be tell me so and we can keep it all on the down low it must be hard for him to live this way for i am his student and he my prey the visions of our sins dance through my head the look in your eyes cause your thoughts to be read so i think about all the little things and all the happiness that you could bring i might have to get it from someone elsetis a letter of a true thought to myself february 28, 1996 (5)

Grown cold what you see in me frightens you it makes you tremble inside to think of all the things we've done while on this truthful ride we cannot change what happened can't make it disappear so what's the use in ignoring it what's the use in fear i gave you things you desired you gave me things i've missed from the first hug to the last one from the first to the very last kiss all things end in life i've accepted this is true but keeping it all balled up inside is worse than the acts we do the path to come is predicted but i'll still watch it unfold i don't know what to say to you since you've grown so cold march 13, 1996 (6)

Come with me to the pond come with me cause you know that's what you want your eyes are shining brightly when i start to really taunt i say to you meaningless things but do what holds attention i see what you want before you say if you don't mind me to mention i ask you if you want my love and you fail to respond i have to take you by the hand and lead you to the pond i'm coaxing and you try to maintain your stand and stability i've brought you to this meeting place this love facility the water's warm , a cool breeze blows toward our yearning souls you've started to anticipate, but you don't dare be bold you sit there on a rock close to the water's shallow stem i stand almost next to you with an underlining grin offering you my company your words stay in your headso i decide to invite myself and give you a treat instead slowly i unwrap my sacred secrets of the earthand standing here in front of you as i did upon my birth the passion it shoots inside of you and then you can't resist you feel each softened part of me and top it with a kiss the heat rushes all through my soul like water through a pipeit burns the life all up in me and makes my body ripeto hold, to kiss, to touch, to feel, to need this everydayto show, to miss, too much, too real, to deal with some delay you are my lover, my man, my helper and my friendto the pond, please come with me over and over again february 29, 1996 (7)

The rain the rain keeps the world turning through the thunder storms of lifewe don't always recognize itbut it helps throughout our strife the drops represent the tears through all our painful day sit helps us grow to forgive ourselves from all our evil ways you remind me of the rain giving me your care helping me to grow each day your tenderness you share thank you baby for everything you've given me through pain i love you just for being there you are my peaceful rain april 28, 1996 (10)

Wanting you wanting you makes me crazy i reach but i can't touch dreaming erotic fantasies from wanting you so much wanting you to hold mekiss me oh so sweet knowing every part of mefrom the head to feet want to feel you near mayor heart beneath my ear warming me from inside outselling you so dear wanting you to love mehold me near your heart letting there be nothing on earth to make us part wanting you to need me every single day needing you needing mein every single way i'm wanting you to want meto do what you want to dowith me and only mebecause i'm wanting you april 6, 1996 (11)

My addictionto feel your heartbeat inside my chest as you hold me close to youto hear sweet words whispered in my ear the way that lovers doto feel your sweet lips kissing my breasts and making me beg for moreto feel your gentle hand against my back; tell me who could ask for more your heat rushing through my body and i'm about to loose control you're making me feel like i've never felt; your soul shall mate my soul i'm on fire with every move anticipating your love you decide whether to receive or give it from above you enter my love and venus takes you to another land i feel your pulse inside of me you are the pleasure man you give me all you have to give by working me every way i've grown addicted to this high i want it everyday the feeling builds as we go on giving each other ourselves we've decided to take this passion step; take our love off of the shelves you are to me what few have been fulfilling what you know i need i love you for that sweet sexy baby; give me my dose of speed may 13, 1996 (15)

One day at a time lover i take my love for you one day at a time cause i am married and you are not mine you belong to someone who deserves your best so what our future holds is anyone's guess so many things in common and thoughts to cherish if love ever dies my soul will parish have i gotten too close for it's you i prefer but in the middle of the night i'll be alone and you'll be with her she'll win in the end it's my best bet even though our love is one we'll never forget she's your woman and more important your children's mother so i'll roll with the punches my sweet one day at a time lover may 4, 1996 (17)

Do you want me to? I see visions of us in love in my dreams and at night we have a lot more it seems you take me close to you and hold me tight run your fingers cross my back in dimmed moonlight kiss me on my neck as you deeply sigh pulling me closer when i look into your eyes i toss and turn because it feels so realall of these dreams have changed the way i feel reality though can make you seem so cold pushing me away when my story's toldat night you come to me with all of your needs i'm tingling with excitement at phenomenal speed your lips so tender, your mouth so wet i feed on your energy, i break a sweatso much pleasure that i shake with satisfaction your body enjoys my love with every reaction giving me a piece of you to hold throughout the day i take what i can at night it makes me want to stay how can i tell what is image and what is real confusion and infatuation is what i know i feel you; the man who gives to me pleasure by any means that is, till i wake, and then i'm only chasing dreams march 18, 1996 (18)

Slowly dying inside my heart is a place the place is nice and richit used to inhabit our love there until we made a switcha beautiful sound of laughtera WARM STRONG MAN TO HOLD I WISH I COULD HOLD YOU FOREVER BUT YOUR INNER HEART'S TURNED COLD YOUR SMILE AS BRIGHT AS THE SUNSHINE YOUR EYES TWINKLING LIKE THE STARSWE USED TO LIVE LOVE LIKE VENUS BUT NOW WE LIVE ALONE LIKE MARS I MISS THE WAY YOU'D KISS MEAND LOVE ME TILL THE STORM UNFAMILIAR NIGHTS WITHOUT YOU SHALL HAUNT ME UNTIL MORN THE ANGELS SIGH UPON US AS THEY RAIN DOWN TEARS WE'RE CRYING NOW MY HEART IS HOLLOW AND SADDENED WHILE THE REST IS SLOWLY DYING JUNE 30,1994 (19)

DO THEY SAY THEY LOVE YOU TO GET OUT OF YOU WHAT THEY DESIRE?HAVE YOU FELLING GOODNESS ABOUT YOUR CARING FOR A LIAR.

WOULD THEY SAY I LOVE YOU JUST TO PACIFY YOUR NEEDS?TO KEEP YOU TRAPPED IN HOPELESSNESS SO THAT YOU CAN'T PROCEED.

WOULD THEY SAY I LOVE YOU TO TELL YOU WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR?SO THAT BEHIND YOUR BACK YOU'LL BE BLINDED TO KEEP YOU NEAR.

LOVE IS WHAT I MAKE WITH MY KING IN APPRECIATION FOR HIS CARE.

TO SHOW MY ADMIRATION AND ADORATION AND TO SHARETO MATE MY SOUL WITH HIS ON A LEVEL FAR BETTER THAN WORDS.

AND ALL THE THINGS I HAVE TO SAY TO HIM INDEED ARE HEARD LOVE IS MAKING TIME TO CARE, AND CARE THE BASIS OF ALL.

COMMITTED TO ASSISTING AND TO HELPING YOU WHEN YOU CALL ACKNOWLEDGING YOUR FEELINGS AND SHOWING YOU FULL CONCERN.

NO EVERYONE OF US KNOWS HOW THEREFORE WE NEED TO LEARN BEFORE YOU MAKE LOVE CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER AND REMEMBER TO RESPECT AND FIRST AND FOREMOST CARE ABOUT YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU YOU CAN'T NEGLECT KEEP YOUR WAY FAIR IN EVERY WAY AND MAKE SURE YOUR TALK IS TRUE I'VE GOT TO CARE ABOUT YOU BEFORE I TELL YOU I LOVE YOU JULY 24,1998 (21)

AM I SELFISH WHEN I SAY I'LL SHRE THE REST OF YOU BUT GIVE ME ALL YOUR LOVE?NOT SAYING YOU WON'T BE ATTRACTED TO OTHERS, BUT I'M THE LOVE YOU'RE THINKING OF.

AND WHEN WE'RE AWAY YOU EXPECT YOUR TRUST IN ME WILL SEE ME THROUGH.

AND I WON'T SHARE MY LOVE WITH ANOTHER BUT WHERE STANDS MY TRUST IN YOU?AND SHOULD I SHARE MY TIME AND RHYME WITH OTHER KINGS OF THE WORLD,WOULD YOU SAY I WAS WRONG AND LEAVE ME ALONE AND CRUSH YOUR MOLDING PEARL?OR WOULD YOU BELIEVE IN ME IN ALL THAT I DO THAT I WOULD REMAIN TRUE?TELL ME MY LOVE PLEASE REMINISCE DON'T DISSWHEN AM I SELFISH TO YOU? APRIL 27,1998 (22)

CANDLES SCENT THE ROOM AS I LAY SO PEACEFULLY RUB ME DOWN WITH HERBAL OILS MASSAGING MY DELICATE FRAME LET THE LOGS BURN IN THE FIREPLACE FEEL THE HEAT FROM DANCING FLAMES SHOWER ME WITH PETALS FROM THE SWEETEST YELLOW ROSES FAN MY BODY WITH FEATHERS IN THE MOTION OF HYPNOSIS PLAY THE MUSIC THAT REACHES MY SOUL AND SINGS OUR MELODY HUM THE TUNE OF OUR LOVE MAKING TO SYNCHRONIZE HARMONY KISS MY THIGHS RIGHT WHERE THEY MEET SHOWING MY LOVING THAT YOU CARE DON'T DENY ME OF WHAT YOU GIVE SO WELL YOUR TALENTS YOU SHOULD SHARE THE EARS OF MY RIBS HAVE OPENED UP AND ARE STANDING FOR YOUR ATTENTION SQUEEZE THEM BETWEEN YOUR FINGERTIPS AND WHISPER ALL THAT YOU'D MENTION THEN BLOW YOUR GUST OF WIND MY WAY AND THRUST YOURSELF INSIDE TAKE ME AWAY FOR JUST A WHILE ON A MAGIC CARPET RIDE THEN AFTER WE'VE MADE LOVE AND PASSION SETTLES REMINISCE ON HAPPINESS WE'VE FOUND AND COVER ME WITH SATIN SILKEN SHEETS AFTER YOU LAY ME DOWN APRIL 27,1998 (23)

IT SEEMS IT HAS JUST DRIFTED SOFTLY AND SILENTLY IN AND OUT OF MY EXISTANCE.

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LAUGHTER?MY ABILITY TO ENJOY.

IT SEEMS LIKE ALL I HAVE IS FRUSTRATION AND ANIMOSITY BUILDING AND OOZING A RELEASE.

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY CELEBRATION?THAT GRACEFUL GRATITUDE.

NOW IT SEEMS I ONLY HAVE ATTITUDE AND AM ENFORCING IT WITH RUDENESS.

WHAT HAPPENED? WHO WANTS TO LIVE THIS WAY? WHY AM I BITTER? HOW CAN I CHANGE? AND REMAIN FAIR.

SHOULD I STOP LOVING YOU? I DON'T WANT TO.

BUT MY EMOTIONS GET MIXED UP AND I'M 1/2 CRAZY OVER YOU.

SHOULD I STOP DOING FOR YOU?IT JUST WOULDN'T FEEL RIGHT.

BUT THEN I WOULDN'T WORRY WHO YOU'RE LOVING THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT.

SHOULD I STOP BEING AROUND YOU?I'D MISS SEEING YOUR FACE.

BUT AFTER TIME I'D REALIZE THAT I WOULD MAKE IT IN THIS PLACE.

SHOULD I STOP HOLDING YOU IN MY HEART?I'VE FELT THAT'S WHERE YOU BELONG.

BUT HOW COULD YOU BELONG ONLY IN ME? MY HEART MUST BE ALL WRONG.

(24)

THE TRUTH.

YOU MAY FEEL I AM SELFISH, BUT I DON'T THINK SHE SHOULD HAVE YOUR LOVE.

YOU CONTINUOUSLY MAKE EXCUSES FOR HER WHICH ALLOW YOU TO CONTINUE.

I DON'T LIKE IT.

SHE HAS HURT YOU.

BUT MAYBE IT'S NOT MY PLACE TO SAY, OR TO SEE.

WHEN SHE HURTS YOU, SHE HURTS ME.

BUT THEN AGAIN YOU FEEL I'M TOO CLOSE TO YOU, SO MAYBE I SHOULDN'T FEEL YOUR PAIN.

I AM HAVING REGRETS, AND MAYBE SO ARE YOU.

WHAT'S THE SOLUTION? YOU'RE THE KING.

HOW CAN I BE YOUR FRIEND? WITHOUT MY OWN HEART BEING SMASHED? WELL.

YES.

YOU ARE.

ALL THAT I NEED AND ALL THAT I WANT, BUT THAT CAUSES PROBLEMS FOR YOU.

PERHAPS HAD WE MET IN OUR NEXT LIFETIME.

LIFE COULD BE BETTER.

BUT I WANT OUT.

IT'S NOT WORKING.

AND REGARDLESS OF WHY, I NEED MY OWN PEACE OF MIND WITHOUT YOU.

MAY 11,1998 (25)

GIVE ME ALL YOUR LOVE FOR MY WANTS AND DESIRES GIVE ME ALL YOUR STRENGTH AND LIGHT MY FLESH A FIRE HEAT COMES THROUGH MY CLOTHES ON THIS PASSION QUEST YOU FEEL MY MISTY LOVING ADMIT THAT IT'S THE BEST WOULD YOU JUST RECIEVE ME IN A HEAVENLY HELPING SCOOP ME UP IN HANDS MEANT FOR SHOWING NOT TELLING I WANT TO BE IN LOVE WITH THE WORK FOR THE SWEAT THE WORK SHOULD BE A PAINTING I'LL NEVER FORGET I NEED TO FEEL YOUR PULSE INSIDE MY SOUL AND DANCE TO THE RHYTHM IT MAKES ME WHOLE LET IT BE LET IT BE TO RELEASE ALL FRUSTRATIONS THAT YOU'LL GIVE ME ALL THAT I NEED WITH OUR RELATIONS JANUARY 13 1998 (26)

" MAY 20 1998 (27)

I CLAIM TO BE STRESSED ABOUT MESS THAT PUTS ME TO THE TEST.

WHAT IS MY QUEST? I KNOW I NEED TO RELAX.

NOT BELIEVE IT TO BE SO COMPLICATED BECAUSE IT'S SIMPLE.

` SIMPLICITY=COMFORTLET'S START AGAIN.

LIKE IN THE BEGINNING WHEN WE FLIRTED WITH OUR EYES.

WITH OUR SMILES.

LET'S DANCE LIKE WE CONTAIN A MYSTERY THAT WE DESIRE TO UNFOLD.

HOLD ME.

HOLD ME.

LIKE YOU DID WHEN YOU KNEW THAT THERE WAS A SPECIAL PLACE FOR ME INSIDE YOU.

DO YOU HEAR MY SPIRIT TALKING?IT'S CALLING, AND CALLING.

MY LOVE.

WE WILL ANTICIPATE MY LOVING LIKE YOU DID RIGHT BEFORE THAT VERY FIRST TIME I GAVE MYSELF TO YOU ALL WRAPPED UP IN A VELVET BOX WITH SOFT TISSUE INSIDE EXCITED.

AND THOUGH YOU AND I BOTH ALREADY KNOW,I'M EXCITED.

SHARE MY WORLD WITH ME TOTALLY AND COMPLETE.

I ADORE YOU.

WE NEED A NEW BEGINNING.

JUNE 2 1998 (29)

DO you expect me to be happy? with the way we interact just because you give me truth and i should face the fact.

Do you expect me to love you?as you're loving more than meand pretend that everything's ok like it shouldn't bother me.

Do you expect me to feel insufficient?since others came before you and that i should rejoice when you give me time cause i'm less than best for you.

Do you expect me to not be hurt?when i look into your eyes and you don't feel the desire to dedicate our heart without disguise.

Do you expect me to remain true?or do you expect that i will fail?as others who walked before me have.

I listen to your tale.

(32)

I wanted to give you all of me in all your kingly quests i diidn't know my care and love would be put to a testa challenge that takes all inside of me and twists it up in knots then says to me continue either piss or off the pot and then the king says "oh it's nothing for your spot to be replaced and boldly again he pushes my name to shame up in my face and how i hold my head up high and continue to believe i'm worth itthe king''s unfaithfulness in me increases disbelief in this working yet he tells me be proud to be his queen and stand right by his side i am not a virgin and i have two children that the king did not providehe says for that i'm not good enough for a virgin is what he deserves but does a virgin deserve him what esteem this king has nerve queen valshe will not be your whore for favors cause i need assistance and she will not be a bitch with the others you choose for your resistance and she will not succumb to the belief that she is beneath having a true king and she will not settle for games of the heart or just any old thing queen valshe will reign the highest throne and request the utmost respect i ain't no rudy pooh sausage head, i'm a queen what do you expect? March 31,1998 (33)

What heavenly blissa blessing.

Bless it.

For you and i both quest itquest.

The game is played.

Chessmovement in rhythmin syncsynchranismtogether joined as oneheat.

Passion.

Emotion.

Love.

Love.

Love build itcreate ithow else would you mate it?check!what is your move?no boundaries loose control.

Loose itlet it flow and grows how! Show the king shower the king bring and give keep it coming.

Romantic one:gradually insert your major organ while harmonically stroking the keys kissing the nip on the bud of the flower in order to shower her and fill her with those overflowing emotions so that the notions of care become realities breathing easily then frantically curving the spine tasting sweet wine with bitter tips on soft lips the fullness of hips back and forth set spirits forthright.

Let our souls unite.

Unite.

Unite.

February 24,1998 (34)

I loved at an early age and love did crush my heart

I didn't have the information i'd needed at my start

But time passed and i've grown older learning as i go

My heart's been broken again and again this is how i know

Unless you build your life with god your love will soon fall down

You'll experience heartache and pain each time you go around

But know that you can have the life you dreamed of with that man

Once you let go and then let god after you've done all you can

I worked so hard to please the man i had chosen for my life

I wanted to give him everything so that i might be his wife

But these great things i had planned soon he did deny

Because he said he only would be pleased with two others plus i

I cried and rose my head to god asked him was this my fate

He said come go along with me so i can demonstrate

Give me the effort and work you gave so truely to that man

And i will never let you down you have done all you can

Then happiness was my destiny with god right by my side

And everything that came to me was strong and pure and right

And at that time i knew after you've done all that you can

God will make a way for you and for him

you just stand august 25 1998 (35)

Enchanted star crossed lovers come to callin hearts that shine like diamond spears and once the words drip from their lips the excitement rushes through and draws them near i had a wish list wishing on you making our heart true to love me only due to i feel tis our destiny to be as one and i'd be crushed should you ever leave me lonely saw your smile from across the roomand your thoughts as pure as the fallen snow been there done that was my attitude but since the day we met you've watched me grow crazy for you at times when i want what i want and that to be the final word comfortable inside your hands hold my wings and we fly together as birds speak to me words of wisdom in poetry looking deeply in my eyes as we hear the truth i'm young and i stumble, you lift me upcause you make sure that the queen is strong to the root your charismatic ways bring brighter days and i daydream of strolls through the park hands linked for i am enchanted with your spirit with mine may it last forever shall be told through time march 11 1998 (36)

May she be queenwe all shall adore herwe all shall behold her exceptional in every wayas king does shape and mold her her spirit bright as the sunher battles are already won for all that know her know the truth and her real battle's just begun the people are our childrenwe must start working to give them the hope for all of their tomorrowswe must format and build them she stands beside her king through any and everything she doesn't deface him when others doshe upholds his name and dreams and all her duties she'll cherish the pessimism she'll perish she doesn't judge from one to the next it's she who'll be the fairestso love her, trust her, my king care about her heart my king and when she brings unspeakable joy kingdom rings may she be queen march 11 1998 (37)

Sleeping beauty look at you, check you out lying over there without worry of the world, peaceful without a care visiting dreamland all by yourself you dream of me when there's nothing else? I asked you to come see me so we could spend some time but i have to realize all your time isn't mine i try to take a piece and have it for my own but i should wait for you to give it when you see i'm alone and now you are tired and i watch you rest i am impatient and uncontent but i show you my best still i write my thoughts down so i won't be a pest this way of relating puts my person to test now it's getting late and my thoughts do roammy mind tells my flesh i may as well be alone and still as i stay calm and not tit for tatbut m mind says he could have stayed home if he was going to do that peaceful peaceful i shush impatient thoughts and writing this poem doesn't help as it ought and i remain a lady for it is my duty though my prayer for company turned to be sleeping beauty january 12 1998 (40)

How about that loving?so deep.

I care about that loving.

And every time you give it to memy joy grows more and more i enjoy your loving and your spirit i adore may i have some love tonight?yes, yes, bless, bless, you reply the physical emotion shared between usit feels so good.

So rightgo deeper lovego deeper lovinggo deeper lovego deeper loving ooh wee! I call out your name i moan with each physical thrust this high i get will always comein you this is what i trust (43)

And the love we made i get misty with the thought and passion clouds foam inside of meoverflowing out because you care about the love you give methe love gives me its bestso i know i'm getting what's good for mecan't worry about the rest and though we share much better things i've been stifled about competition but i won't worry 'bout it anymore for my happiness is my true missionso as long as you help me succeed the taskof all i'd like to achieve you're giving me all i expect from you while fulfilling the need you keep it strong for me all night long i'll keep it nice and wet and we'll make it beyond our wildest dreams that's how deep the loving gets march 10 1998 (44)

For the rest of my life for the rest of my live, i promise you all my love and affection i want you to stand here by my sidemy flaws, i beg your correction for the rest of my life i will love youas my husband and my friend you are my mate for a lifetime i will cherish till the endwe took the vow to be together with every breath we take and i'll be right there by your side with every step you make i am proud that we have been joinedas you take my hand and title me wife the strength of the two of us a married pair for the rest of our blessed life july 21 1998 (46)

The statuecomfortcomfort is waht she found upon the mounds, the round mounds that surround his neckas he rest his chin against her cheek reminiscing on the great emotions that they've sharedhe pulls her close and she is closest standing so close that their spirits unite and become one and in their splendourtheir naturalitythey re safely placing themselves in each others arms and shutting their goodness intogethermaking it sacred and keeping away troubles and harm for they have melted awayconcernedconcern is the care that they share that makes them aware that the other is there for themit represents carefulness may 13 1998 (47)

When i look into your eyes i see pride and i am proud with you when i look into your eyes i see strength and i am strong with you when i look into your eyes i see care and concern yes i care and am concerned with you when i look into your eyes i see loveoh yes i'm in love with you when i look into your eyes i see a love that lasts forever i will share forever with you should time permit and after and ever and after tell me my love for in you there is truth that there is no room for liesdo you feel these things i speak of when you are looking into my eyes? June 17 1998 (49)

Second place i always used to dream of romantic escapades spending all my time wishing love was heaven made being with a man whose love for me was strong and true i thought i had my chance when i fell in love with you giving everything i had because you had my heart wishing everyday that you and i would never part i don't know why people fall in love the way we dobecause i fell knowing that i'd end up feeling blue the woman of your life she has everything she needsa loving man to give her joy and always aims to please but what i haven't realized is what i just can't see and that is that that woman for you will never be meyou've dedicated yourself to her, you've promised her your love for me to get what's left over seems never to be enough i want, i feel, i dream, i thing it's right you be with meto love and share a feeling that occurs so naturally but you go on protecting because of what she needs you don't want to hurt her but continue to hurt melying, snieking, creeping all just to save your face i'm chasing my dream to the finish, but it's only as good as second place june 18 1996 (52)

I hit it softly but still i hit it right these things appeared to me one night in a dream that you were the one for me but what the hell does it mean you tell me that you love mebesides your wife and your kids there's no one above mebut of course though all of this you know how i feel and although this situation seems to be so unreal i have to love you only on her time but i keep protecting a man who is not even mine what is your plan? Help me understand i want to believe.

I want to see you stand as a man misguiding me when i know my eyes are wide open inhaling constantly when i know i can't keep from choking but still i chase this dream that i believe to be fate look into my eyes and there lies that thin line between love and hate whether it be fantasy, emotional lust, or plain heaven above i will go on and remain strong dealing with our secret love december 2 1996 (54)

Unconditional i accept you.

I accept your children's mothers.

I accept your relatives, family, and friends.

Because all of them are part of you.

All of us recieve your care unconditionally.

You are a spirit travelling.

Like the fog that mists the air.

I breath you in and you wet my lungsbecoming part of me with every breath i makeyou are a man standing firmlike the wise oak treeproviding life for others arounda new beginning full of natural beautyyou are a king reigning proudlike a sparkling shooting starand all that see admire your shinea rarity of pure royaltyso unconditionally i give you loveunconditionally i give you careunconditionally i give you dedicationyou are my gardian angel july 6 1998 (57)

Affairs of the heartwhich way is up dear goddess of lovefor love is a blessing of god abovetruth is a majesty and a virtue of lifeto be shared with the husband meant with the wifethe commitment love brings can bring joy or painwell in the sunshine strong in the rainno cancellations when times get roughno walking away cause enough is enoughworking through trials and tribulations by daygiving and taking not always your waybut worthwhile for the product the lovers producegrowing and growing never once to reducewhere is the love if the love's to be truehave i found that connection between me and youoh what to do, how will i know to give my allin time just be patient the goddess will callbut of course the difference is known from the startall the things that you do and say set you apartand to me you'll be one and only life long through shortand dismissed will there be these affairs of the heart january 12 1998 (58)

Keeping secrets telling lieskeeping secrets, telling lieseverytime i look in your eyes i see the truth all in disguisemy heart holds on to not dispise i know about that girl you're withyou try to hide but i see through itwhat do you think? She'll have a fit?don't you think she can handle it?you fib to me you lie to heryou try to keep my dreams deferredand often times you do referto other women it does occurwhy do you feel that you need two?am i not enough for you?or does she have a hold so truethat you don't know what you should do?do you tell her about your love?that she's the one you're thinking of?that she's your blessing from abovethat she's as soft and sweet as a dove?do you hold her close as you do me?do you kiss her soft and tenderly?does she even know or can she see?with me is where you want to be?keeping secrets from me more and moretelling lies to her close the dooron the idea your love for me won't exploreeveryday i am loosing this lover's war july 21 1996 (59)

Spend a little timespend a little time loving metaking each motion slowbe patient with my tender hearthold on an then you'll knowtake a little time to listento the pressures of my daytry to have a realizationcommunication's easier that waymake a little time to spoil mewining and dining on occasionsurprise me when i don't expectmake our love a celebrationgive a little time to lend a handsome help around the houseyou don't have to do something majorkeeping quiet as a mousecould you do this just for mesetting some special things aside i ask you to spend a little timegrowing our love from inside july 21 1996 (60)

May we always be togetherhaving picnics in the parktelling stories after darkmay we always be together may we never drift apartbible study singing songscompromise to get alongmay we always be togetherand never cause eachother harmspecial events and holidaysplanning and trying to make a waymay we always be togetherso that we might see cherished daysshowing love when we're togethercaring and sharing never fair weathermay we always be together because we are true birds of a feather july 21 1996 (61)

What would i dowhat would i do what would i sayif a love so true if ever came my waycame to claim a man so strongand give me name? Who stayed all night long?what would i be what would i doif came to me if a man like youa handsome prince turned out to bethat had some sense? Just what i need?how would i act how would i knowif turning back if this is so i happened to find that you would'nt leavesomeone gentle and kind? Once agenda was achieved?how would i trust how would i believethat it wasn't only lust the love i recievebut real true love was meant for meis what you were thinking of? Lasts infinitely? A love truely pure that would endure if it were really true would i know what to do? July 21 1996 (62)

Back in love againin love feelings rush like water of a rainfall of waterfallflowing and needing to capture every single drophow is it that i didn't know what was missing we parted hurting, crying, my soul allowing pain to rule over dayloneliness ruling nightdon't have to worry about that nowyou're backnever part my heart will break nurturing unnatural desirespain.

Forgetting the pastmoving on to the futuredo not leave me lovelove staysfills my soul with light and burning desire to livethe dead has now come to lifeliving againhow could any feeling match my world with yoursmy lover, my friend, my man, my stand i'm backwe're back in love again over again july 21 1996 (63)

Here we arehere we are you and iyou are who i shall be knowingknowing you loving yougrowing youshowing youbetter thingsbetter waysbetter thoughtshoping yousee mewhen you do see me what do your eyes show you?know you?with me?for me?to me?about me?do you scream and shout me?or plea?for we?let it bemake it bewe have and need to bond to growsprinkle me mighty king and showthen your name i shall sing i believe that you will bringmuch happinessmuch love my questmore love i'm blessedbecause i need your time that doesn't make you minebecause i need your presence that doesn't make us destinedbecause i share your thoughts doesn't make you boughtbecause i share your rhyme you are not confined (64)

Or bounddon't like the way that soundstied up with no releaselike freedom days must cease i want you to be free to live your life and give your lifebut not to let it godon't let me gohelp me growmy lifeyour lifea total destinyit is the quest for menow til eternityshall that not be with you cause of the things we do?and the things we saythat night this winter i pray i prayed for you and you materialized a window of opportunities i stepped through i keep turning back because of that one aspectone two three i give you all of me i misreadone minute my deed is to be your queenthe next i am your matethe next an aquaintancejust a friendhold up a minutewaitlet me demonstratemy emotions want to flow onmy love it wants to go onand my care it wants to grow onand my vibe it wants to show on (65)

All better things for you and meuphold the familybut here we are againare we playing when we're praying? I wasn't playing i asked god to send the manwho held the strength in his handscould lift the family upon his backand grow us up with graceful tactwho's words would ring in poetryand verse with me in harmonywhose love would overule my nights of lonelinessno fuss no fighthe'd stand by me with faith at handand respect would see from woman and manthat he was king and i his queen could reach and teach hand in hand around the landhis spirit shining though my soul and mine through his that shining glowso filled with knowledge and care for our peopleto bring them up to achieve the equaland all the while with fairness and truthwe'd give to each the strongest rootto grow their own with harmonymaking all our people all they should bethen god heard this and soon you camewith royalty down to your nameand thank you god was my replyas i looked deep into your sexy eyeshere we are my king and iwhat it shall be i won't denyfill me, fill me, fill me upthen look at all that's in the cup (66)that when you drink it may it be enoughbecause as long as you feel you need more.

All the good juices you find in memight have wasted all over the floorlook at this mess like a shattered starthis tells of my quest still here we are march 8,1998 (67)

How do i feel?how am i supposed to feel?neglected, rejected, betrayed, dismayedjealous i feel at a lossbecause i give you all of me you win the coin tossand then look at me and ask "heads or tails?" I want the whole twenty-five

And all that it entails

What does that make me?

Greedy,selfish, controlling

No!

 want to get beyond this point but i'm stuck wondering

Competing

Be the best, have the best,

Let the rest play the part

Believing you're in synch with me

Knowing me, showing me, growing me

But as always it has been continuous from the start

"three queens, queen! What part didn't you hear?"

All of none of that this was my biggest fear

Wanting you, needing you, having you near

And when you're away someone else holds you dear

And what were their names?

Oh yes i recall

One who brought me so much grief while you gave her your all

And the other well she's brand new

Coming with some lonely nights new blues to go through

I don't want to share your love thing with nobody else

I want to have all that good loving to myself

But you constantly insist that day will never be

So you might as well keep going and let me be

Love whom ever you want and do what ever you please

But remember that this hurt just builds inside of me

And when i walk away and lift this burden off my chest

I'll remember in my heart that our love was the best

October 12,1998 (68)

Love lost

We had a love that was pure and true

When we did what we said we'd do

We had love that could stand through time

When i cared about yours and you cared about mine

We had a love that would prosper and grow

When we weren't too busy in ourselves to show

We had a love that would pay any cost

When our love was alive, now our love is lost

But i didn't realize how much pain i'd endure

Living without you

How my life just isn't the same

And what i truely believe in my heart

Is that pain would probably rule our days and nights

Had we have stayed together

I still care about you

And this way i'll show you just how much

May 1 1998 (68)

Wait

Let me demonstrate

My emotions want to flow