OK, let me just start out by saying this movie has a PG-13
rating so if you are looking for a Gore fest or a collection of topless
big boobed women, you're not gonna find it here. I got this movie for 50
cents at a video store in a very small town and it was worth every penny.
The creature effects are pretty decent, but I get more frightened going
to Wal-Mart. Anyway here we go...
The Potters move into an apartment building in San Francisco, I
can tell because of the matte painting of the Golden Gate bridge just above
the apartment building. Wendy drops her ball down the stairs into a laundry
room and is immediately possessed by an evil Troll named Torok. One by
one, she goes to different apartments injecting her victims with a ring
that makes them bloat up and turn into green pod things that look like
giant retarded slugs. Once the said pods open, each apartment becomes a
forest and a bunch of little creatures come out. Her first victim is Peter
(Cher would be proud) and second is Barry (Baby if you've ever wondered...
never mind). By this point Harry Potter Jr. is beginning to notice that
his sister is acting kinda strange, so he gets buddy-buddy with the mystical
Eunice St. Claire. Eunice has a pet mushroom (It may have Been Lassie or Dr.
Smith at one point) and we soon find out that she's a witch who used to date
Torok around 2000 years ago.
When Jeanette gets transformed into a half naked translocating
fairy, more than we ever saw on Sienfeld, all the beans have pretty much
been spilled and Harry & Eunice have a breakfast meeting. Harry Jr.
finds out that he has to destroy the evil force to save his sister, by
killing a big and ugly creature. Wendy then pays a visit to the vertically
challenged Prof. Mallory, We find out that he is suffering from leukemia
and lets Wendy know that he used to dream of being an elf. Wendy takes
this as an invitation and sticks him with the ring-o-transformation making
his childhood wish come true.
With only two apartments, left time is running out. Eunice arms
herself and Harry Jr. with some nifty looking spears, and they set about
the task of killing the horrible beast that threatens their apartment
building. Once Harry Jr. departs the very old looking Eunice lets her hair
down and becomes her younger self, and a really good Kathleen Turner impersonator
to boot. To make a long story short Eunice gets turned into a tree stump
with an attitude problem and it comes down to Harry Jr. Eventually he finds
his real sister encased in glass and saves her, but loses his spear to a
very sneaky Torok (in his true form by now). Once the creature he's supposed
to harpoon starts coming after Harry Jr. and his sister, Torok gets nervous
and nails the Wampa impersonator himself. Why he does this is not clear since
he loses either way, but hey endings don't come easy. With the big creature
dead everything goes back to normal. The potters move out of the apartment
and the movie is over (Thank God)
Important things about this movie that should be noted: Michael Moriarty
has not business dancing to Summertime Blues, there is a reason why Cher
& Sonny Bono got divorced, Trolls like Playboy, and if you want to
make a scary movie DO NOT include a musical number.
I understand that people had to start somewhere, but how did Michael
Moriarty ever get to be on "Law & Order" after being seen on film
in a blue and white beach hat, with a blue cardigan and a red polo shirt.,
or his demented acid rock performance.
Something to think about on your own time: What Julia Louis-Dreyfus
would be more ashamed of, the Pert Plus commercials or the vine G-string
she wears in this flick?
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