Concern # 4

Questionable Views of Child Development

There seems to be an inaccurate assumption of what children can absorb in their first few months of life. The Ezzo’s disciplinary expectations of young children are bothersome at times. In lesson 10 (GKGW) on obedience, the Ezzos felt that 8-9 months was not too soon for a first time (no second chance) obedience response. This first time response was called the 10% rule, which meant that not even 10% of non-compliance was acceptable. A child of 8-9 months could be expected to comply 100% with the demands of a parent. In establishing this point, the Ezzos used their 9 month old granddaughter, Ashley, as an example of establishing first time obedience. Evidently, in order for her to get out of the high chair she would arch her back to communicate her request to get down. Even though she could not verbally communicate at this point in her development, this was not an acceptable form of communication to the Ezzos. So, through a discipline system of isolating her, she was taught to use the more acceptable hand signals. This discipline was initiated because the Ezzos determined that the arching of the back was not a communication, but rebellion. So, at 9 months old she was disciplined into a new form of communication, demanding 100% obedience.

The following chart lists some acceptable age range expectations.

Dynamic Parenting Key Issues (Authored and published by David Fergeson)

Infancy 0-18 months

Trust versus Mistrust

Developmental Issues

· Limited motor activity but very active senses. . .especially hearing, touch, sight

· Judgments made as to the world being “safe” or “unsafe” especially relationships

· Judgments made are primarily related to whether basic needs for food, comfort, nurture are met

· Judgments are at an emotional level prior to verbal/cognitive processing.

· Judgments made of caregivers as loving, comforting, caring, nurturing or rejecting, punitive, uncaring, hurtful

· Judgments made result in close emotional “bonding” (trust) . . . or emotional distancing (mistrust)

Practical Suggestions

· Provide visual stimulation and soothing talk and music

· Nurture-nurture-nurture with touch, talk, and holding

· Lovingly and consistently meet basic needs with gentleness rather than anger

· Express joy; smile; laugh around your infant; pray “over” child

· Avoid raised voices, anger, over protectiveness

· Remove a child from “problem” areas rather than discipline

· Allow child to have a “favorite” toy, blanket, as a security item

· Begin to take short times away from the child - expect crying; return with reassurance and comfort

Early Childhood 18 months - 3 years

Autonomy versus Shame/Doubt

Developmental Issues

· Rapid development of motor, verbal, and language skills

· Autonomy needed in feeding and controlling elimination

· Approval of parents/significant others very important

· Differentiating between acceptable/unacceptable behavior begins

· Exploring/experimenting are essential to test limits

· Freedom to receive positive reinforcement says “I’m OK.”

· “I’m not OK” comes from over protective, critical, demanding, permissive, neglectful, environments

Practical Suggestions

· Stimulate motor development in walking, running, throwing, climbing, etc.

· Read-read to you child; Bible stories, nursery rhymes, songs

· Provide a safe environment in which to “explore”

· Minimize “don’t,” “quit,” “stop.” “no” messages (some are essential)

· Praise and encourage every “success”; pray “with” child

· Discipline “rebellion” and not childish acts; firmly, but gently. . . without anger

· “Distract” a child from “problem” areas rather than over discipline

Middle Childhood 3-5 years

Initiative versus Guilt

Developmental Issues

· Sense of competence comes out of freedom to undertake personally meaningful activities

· Inquisitive, fantasize and develop a functioning conscience

· Desire to differentiate from others . . . my, mine

· Initiative which is squelched by control or lack of opportunity produces guilt

· Listening to questions and fantasy is important

· Encouraging the freedom of choices is significant

Practical Suggestions

· Encourage and praise “favorite” activities and interests the child enjoys; experience Bible songs, videos, games

· Talk about feelings as you see sadness, frustration, fear, rejection - i.e., develop a feeling “vocabulary”

· Encourage social interactions with other children. . . at home, church, preschool

· Give choices about clothes, play activities, snacks, etc.

· Apologize and request forgiveness for your temper, broken promises, etc.

Late Childhood 6-12 Years

Industry versus Inferiority

Developmental Issues

· “Industry” is to set and attain personal goals

· Social skills have heightened importance in rules, roles, sharing, and sexual differences

· Capacity to reason develops and desire to be “useful”

· Sexual awareness grows and instruction needed

· Acceptance from parents, peer group, and other significant adults is important (teacher, coach, etc.)

· Lack of acceptance/encouragement develops a sense of inadequacy/inferiority.

· Find families with children the age of yours. . . initiate positive family friendships (i.e., positive peers)

· Explore and encourage hobbies, abilities, and talents

· Identify and praise personal responsibility and unique character qualities

· Special “talks” and experiences to teach social skills, i.e., manners, table games, social settings, etc.

· Continue affection from both parents. . .verbal and touch

· Begin open dialogue between mother-daughter, father-son. . . on sex roles and differences

· Share feelings; heal hurts; teach biblical principles, such as sovereignty, decision-making, avoiding evil, etc.

Summary Comments Regarding Ezzo’s Child Development Practices

The Ezzos’ parenting program often makes parenting suggestions that are not age appropriate or biblical. My suggestion is for parents to follow three basic guidelines: 1) Refrain from using a lot of discipline with infants; that doesn’t mean you are a permissive parent; God gave all His people a lot of grace in the beginning years of their faith; do likewise, 2) Know your child and his/her strengths, weaknesses, and levels of understanding as they apply to each situation. Gradually introduce law and consequences, never forgetting grace and mercy; they go together, and 3) Ask successful Christian parents, pastors, and elders their advice on child raising issues.

The following is a small sample list of child development concerns I have been able to identify; Calvary Chapel of Costa Mesa does a more thorough job, their address is listed at the end of this evaluation. (Page 34)

1. Location of Concern

Page 9, GKGW

Ezzo Assertion

Teenage rebellion