Dr. Kent McClain’s Final
Thoughts
In respect to the observations I have made in this evaluation, I would not on the whole recommend Growing Kids God’s Way as a Christian parenting program. I think specific parts of the program could be useful, if parents had a good grasp of the Scripture and a sufficient knowledge of child development.
In addition to my own analysis, other church organizations and parenting programs have influenced me to lean away from the Ezzo parenting program. As an example the statement (October, 1997) declared by the board of elders at Grace Community Church (John MaArthur’s church) effected my decision not to recommend the program. It was in Macarthur’s church that Growing Kids God’s Way was birthed. Therefore a lot of credibility had to be given to their final opinion of Ezzo’s parenting program.
Grace Community Church
(MacArthur’s Church) Evaluation
The following is a direct quote from the Grace Community Church
(MacArthur’s Church) regarding
Ezzo’s parenting program.
“We have received a flood of
inquiries about our stance with regard to Gary Mezzo and Growing Families
International (GFI). What follows is a
brief summary of why Grace Community Church is no longer affiliated in any way
with that ministry. We as elders cannot
endorse GFI until these matters are resolved, and we wish to make our position
clear. We have delayed making a public
statement as long as we held out hope that these concerns might be resolved
privately. Unfortunately, that no
longer appears possible. We fully
realize that many people worldwide have assumed GFI enjoys our full support. Literally dozens of people each week ask for
clarification of our position relative to GFI.
Therefore we believe this public statement of our concerns is warranted
- - and even somewhat overdue.
It is still our earnest prayer,
however, that these things may ultimately be resolved in a way that honors the
Lord and is in harmony with His Word:
At an elders’ meeting in the
spring of 1993, the elders of Grace Church asked Gary Ezzo to be more
accountable to them—particularly with regard to the content of his teaching and
the amount of time he was spending in GFI ministries beyond the purview of his
responsibilities as a pastor.
Soon afterward, in June 1993,
Gary announced he was resigning from the pastoral staff but planned to continue
serving as a lay elder, keeping Grace Community Church as the base of GFI
ministries. The reason he gave for resigning
from the church staff was that GFI now demanded his full-time involvement.
The elders nonetheless urged
Gary to follow through with his commitment to be more accountable, especially
with regard to the content of his teaching.
Gary promised to do so.
The pastoral staff began a
review of Gary’s published and taped material, and met as a group with Gary in
mid-1995 to outline several concerns about the doctrinal and biblical content
of GFI materials. (Some of those same
concerns are given below.) Gary seemed
to receive the criticism well and in a good spirit. He explained and clarified several points, and promised to make
changes in his material to alleviate everyone’s concerns.
However, in the weeks
immediately following the meeting, Gary wrote letters to some of the pastors
who had raised criticisms. He
characterized their concerns as petty and personal, and indicated he believed
the staff’s criticism was driven by one or two people's personal agendas. He repeated those allegations in private conversations
with church members.
The changes discussed in that
meeting were never submitted to the pastoral staff. Instead, Gary resigned as an elder and withdrew from Grace
Community completely. Ultimately several
of his closest followers left the church as well.
Here is an outline summary of
some of the more serious concerns Grace Church’s pastors and elders have raised
about GFI and its teachings:
1. Confusion between
biblical standards and matters of personal preference. The best-known example of this is
the GFI emphasis on infant feeding schedules, combined with Gift’s zealous
opposition to demand feeding by nursing mothers. Portraying scheduled feeding as the true biblical practice, GFI
strongly implies that demand feeding should be regarded as an unbiblical,
humanistic—even sinful—approach to caring for infants. As elders, we see no biblical basis
whatsoever for Gift’s dogmatism on this issue.
While not opposing scheduled feeding, we would caution young mothers not
to adopt any system of parenting that is so rigid that it requires them to
quell the God-given maternal impulse. (cf. Isa. 66:10-13)
Other examples where matters of
personal preference are presented as if they had biblical authority: GFI
parents are taught that sling-type baby carriers are too child-centered and
therefore incompatible with biblical parenting. GFI curriculum also teaches that mothers should not rock their
babies to sleep; that they should not comfort or feed crying infants in the
parents’ bed—and especially that moms should never sleep next to their
babies. Portions of the material seem
to place an undue stress on stifling the mother’s desire to comfort her
children. For example, Matthew 27:46 is
used to justify the teaching that mothers should refuse to attend to crying
infants who have already been fed, changed, and had their basic needs met. Gary Ezzo writes, “Praise God that the
Father did not intervene when His son cried out on the cross” (Preparation for Parenting, p.122).
We find throughout the GFI
material a blurring of the line between that which is truly biblical, and
simple matters of preference.
2. A lack of clarity on
certain fundamental doctrinal issues. In
particular, GFI materials tend to be unclear on the issues of original sin and
human depravity. For example, in tape
12 of the “Growing Kids God’s Way” tape series, Gary Ezzo says: “It is not the will
of the child that is corrupt but the nature that drives the
will. It is the flesh that is
corrupt.” “The will itself is morally
neutral.” “The will itself is not
corrupt, the flesh is corrupt. The will
is morally neutral.”
However, Scripture clearly
portrays our sinful nature as something that holds the unregenerate will in
utter bondage (John 8:34, 44; Rom. 6:20).
Nothing in Scripture suggests that the human will is morally neutral;
rather Scripture teaches that the will of the sinner is bent inexorably toward
sin, enslaved to various lusts (Rom. 8:7-8; Titus 3:3). Every faculty of the sinner’s heart is
corrupted by sin (cf. Gen. 6:5)—and particularly the will. That is the whole point of the doctrine
often labeled “total depravity,” which we affirm.
The notion that the human will
is neutral is the very foundation of Pelagianism, a heresy that dates back to
the Fifth Century. We do not believe
Gary intends to teach Pelagianism. He
has expressly stated his believe that children are born with a sin nature. (Even the statement above seems to hinge on
Gary’s assertion the “the nature . . . drives the will”—i.e., if the nature is
corrupt, the will tends to make sinful choices. But this still stops short of affirming what Scripture does: that
the sinner’s will is in absolute bondage to sin.)
Again, we do not suggest the
Gary means to deny the utter depravity of the sinner. But by over-classifying human faculties and
declaring the will “morally neutral,” he has left room for serious
misunderstanding on the issue. A
similar example is found in the GFI book Preparation for Parenting, where
parents are told that the child’s conscience at birth is a “clean slate”; and
then a footnote differentiates between the “higher” and “lower”
conscience. All of this seems
needlessly to confuse the biblical stress on the utter corruption of the
human heart and all its faculties (Jer. 17:9)—even from infancy: “The wicked
are estranged from the womb: they go astray as soon as they be born, speaking
lies.” (Ps. 58:3)
3. Insufficient attention to
the child’s need for regeneration. Potential
confusion on the human-depravity issue is compounded by the weight of emphasis
given to moral indoctrination, compared to the relatively meager stress on the
child’s need for a divinely renewed heart.
Parents are repeatedly told that the goal of parenting is to raise a
“morally responsible child”; and that they can “restrain the natural corruption
by instilling into the child the self-disciplines of life” (Preparation for
Parenting, p. 22). The impression is
left with many parents that in training a well-mannered and morally innocent
child, they have raised their child “God’s way.”
To be clear, our complaint is
not the GFI material denies or omits the doctrine of regeneration. Statements are scattered throughout various
GFI publications that do mention the child’s need of conversion. But the truths of the gospel and the
necessity of divine grace are by no means the essential heart of Gift’s
instruction to parents. Gary himself
once reported in an elders’ meeting the GFI material has found a warm reception
among Mormons and other non-evangelicals.
This would hardly be possible if the truths of the gospel received
sufficient emphasis in the curriculum.
4. A tendency to
isolationism. GFI parents
tend to isolate their children from other children—including Christian
children—who are not part of the GFI “community” (i.e., those not indoctrinated
in GFI principles). GFI parents have
been known to sever all relationships with non-GFI families. To some degree, GFI teaching is directly
responsible for encouraging this attitude.
While still a pastor at Grace
Church, Gary Ezzo helped found a private “Community School,” where children
could be enrolled only by personal invitation.
Of course, only GFI parents were asked to enroll their children. Some were even encouraged to withdraw their
children from Grace Church’s own Christian School, and move them instead to the
“Community School.”
Several GFI-trained parents
have kept their children from participating in organized church youth activities
in order to avoid exposing their children to others not “in the
community.” Some GFI parents have
objected because non-Christian young people are welcome to attend youth-group
activities, and because Christian young people in the youth group have been
encouraged to befriend and evangelize non-Christians in their schools and
neighborhoods.
GFI material does not caution
against, but rather defends, that type of isolationism. In fact, Gary Ezzo teaches that to do
otherwise could irreparably damage the “moral innocence” of children.
All of those are reasons why
GFI materials are no longer available from Grace Community Church. One additional concern has to do with how
Gary Ezzo has responded to criticism.
In several instances, Gary Ezzo
has declined to listen to concerns from essentially friendly critics—including
fellow elders, pastors, and even co-workers in the GFI ministries. His responses to the elders of Grace Church
have reflected a repeated tendency to avoid accountability. For example, when the “Community School” was
started, elders from Grace Church’s School Council asked for a meeting with
Gary to share some concerns about his involvement with the “Community School.” Gary refused to meet with them. Later, when asked about the “Community
School” in a full elders’ meeting, Gary told the elders he had no direct
involvement with the “Community School.”
But in fact, he was serving on the School’s board of directors. In at least one case he assured a group of
concerned elders that he would seek resolution of a long-standing conflict—then
later refused to do so. His departure
from Grace Church left a disturbing number of conflicts unresolved and concerns
un-addressed.
At the same time, Gary has been
known to respond with exaggerated and even false accusations against his
critics. For example, just before he
withdrew permanently from Grace Church, Gary sent and e-mail message to a
“Grace to You” donor in the Midwest. In
the message, Gary claimed that several staff members of the church had “gone
amillennial in their eschatology”; that attendance at the church had dwindled
so that church services were largely empty; and that Lance Quinn (Senior
Associate Pastor) had “walked out” on John MacArthur—implying that Lance had
left the church staff under less than positive circumstances. (Of course, not one of those accusations is
remotely true.) Gary asked the donor to
pray that the church would “close out its remaining years with dignity.”
Our choice would have been to
deal with all these things privately, and that has been the reason for our long
silence until now. We consider it
profoundly unfortunate that we must issue a public statement such as this. But our efforts to address these concerns
privately have been rebuffed or disregarded. Sadly, that has made this formal statement necessary.
Again, our prayer is that all
these matters will be resolved to the glory of Christ.”
The Elders of Grace
Community Church
Sun Valley, California
Focus on the
Family Evaluation (Dr. James Dobson)
Another statement
that effected my opinion regarding Ezzo’s Growing Kids God’s Way parenting
program came from a statement made by Focus on the Families (James Dobson)
parenting ministry. This was in
response to a letter I sent in October of 1997.
The following is
quoted from the letter Focus on the Family statement issued to me personally on
November 14, 1997.
“ We regard your
request for our input as a genuine compliment, in response to your inquiry and
others like it our staff has conducted an extensive evaluation of Gary and Anne
Marie Ezzo’s materials on parenting, including the books-Preparation For
Parenting and growing Kids God’s Way.
Allow me to summarize their findings and recommendations as succinctly
as possible.
We do have
concerns and reservations about the Ezzos’ work, including the updated edition
of Preparation For Parenting. In the
first place, it seems to us that their philosophy of childrearing is far too
rigid. The very title of their
program, Growing Kids God’s Way, has an unnecessarily exclusivistic sound about
it, as if there were only one “correct” and godly way to raise children and all
other methods were “unbiblical.” In
contrast to this, Dr. Dobson believes that there are many different approaches
to raising children which are both healthy and consistent with the teaching of
Scripture.
Speaking of Scripture, the Ezzos’ misuse of biblical
texts is, in our view, a second cause for serious concern. They have, for example, repeatedly cited
Matthew 27:46 –“…My God, my God, why have your forsaken me?”—in support of
their teaching that mothers should refuse to attend crying infants who have
already been fed, changed, and had their basic needs met. “Praise God,” writes Gary Ezzo on page 122
of Preparation for Parenting, “that the Father did not intervene when His son
cried out on the cross.” We see no way
to make such an application of this verse without completely disregarding its
original context and purpose.
Third, we are
aware that the author’s proposals regarding controlled feeding schedules for
infants are highly controversial. Some
critics have suggested that they might possibly result in child abuse if
applied legalistically, inflexibly, and without regard for circumstance and the
special needs of individual children; and, in fact, our ministry has received
numerous letters from parents, pastors, midwives, physicians, and lactation
professionals regarding cases of failure-to-thrive in infants subjected to the
Ezzos’ program. We don’t believe this
information should be ignored.
Finally, it needs
to be said that the leadership of the Ezzo’s own church—the place where they
initially developed and promoted their curriculum—has now issued a public
statement disavowing any affiliation with the ministry of Growing Families
International. The issues pinpointed
in that statement parallel Focus on the Family’s concerns as outlined
above. For further information, we
suggest you contact Grace Community Church in Panorama City, California either
via e-mail (letters@gty.org) or by
telephone (818/782-5920).
For these reasons
we do not recommend the Ezzo's material to Focus on the Family
constituents. Further, we would
suggest that, if and when it is used, its principles be implemented only in
conjunction with generous measures of common sense, intuition, and natural
parental affection.
We hope these
thoughts (letter written to Dr. Kent McClain) prove helpful. Thanks
again for sending a e-mail to us. May
God’s grace, peace, wisdom, and blessing be yours in the days ahead.
I hope this
clears up any confusion anyone may have about the position Focus takes on GFI’s
materials.”
Sincerely,
Focus on the Family
Ezzo’s Key Staff
Members Leave Parenting Program
As I stated in the beginning
of this evaluation, I personally watched the entire video (1993) series
presented by the Ezzos. In the flow of
the presentation , there was another teaching couple (Eric and Julie Abel) who
assisted and supported the Ezzo teachings in each video session. In my frequent talks with Grace Community
Church (John MacArthur’s church) during
1997, I learned that the Abel’s had left the Ezzo parenting ministry over some
significant problems they held with the Ezzos over the integrity, direction,
and curriculum of the program. They
later in 1998, explained these problems
in the following e-mail.
The E-mail (2-25-98; 2 A.M.) reads as follow:
“It seems like everywhere we go, we speak
with people who acknowledge our involvement with Growing Families
International, and organization in which we served for over 10 years. Most people recognize us from the many
video and audio programs we participated in while representing the company.
Even though we
appreciate people’s kind remarks, we never desired to be involved in such a
visible capacity with this organization.
Through the providence of God, we were chosen for this task and gladly
accepted what God had in store for our personal ministry to young families.
As God would
further have it, we parted company with this organization in 1994. At that time, we were mainly concerned
about the integrity & direction of the company. Since then, we have been exposed to the additional concerns
regarding the curriculum which we can no longer support. That is why we requested to be removed from
the GFI materials, last year. Other
than that request, we have virtually no contact with anyone from this company
for several years. We apologize for
any role that we have played in contributing to the delusion that we are still
involved with GFI.
We encourage
Church Leaders to prayerfully consider the pattern of controversy surrounding
this organization. We hope that
Pastors will get back to the Bible for parenting instruction.
Eric and Julie
Abel
erricabel@aol.com
Christianity Today Notes Caution
Although there have
be scores of cautioning articles written about the Ezzo parenting program, one
of the better summaries comes from Christianity today, a Christian magazine I
highly regard. I quote the article’s
author, Randy Frame in the February 9th
1998 edition:
“The Chatsworth, California-based organization Growing Families
International (GFI) clams that more
than 3,500 churches worldwide use GFI-published resources for guidance on child
rearing. But despite such apparent popularity, the list of critics of
GFI-and of its executive director, Gary Ezzo-continues to expand.
More than four years ago, CHRISTIANITY TODAY reported on questions
being raised about the parenting advice offered in Preparation for Parenting,
co-authored by Ezzo and his wife, Anne Marie, and On Becoming BABYWISE, a
secularized version containing the same concepts but without religious
references (CT, August 16,1993.page 34).
At that time, Ezzo served on the staff at Grace Community Church (John
MacArthur’s church) in Sun Valley, California. Recently, however, the church’s board of elders issued a public
statement disavowing any affiliation with GFI and outlining “serious concerns”
about the organization and its teachings, as well as concerns about
accountability.
UNCONVENTIONAL MEDICAL WISDOM:
Critics maintain generally that the Ezzos advocate a style of parenting
that over emphasizes control and discipline at the expense of parental
intuition and compassion. They say the
medical advice offered or implied by GFI materials runs counter to current
medical wisdom.
In a Web site, the Ezzos have claimed GFI is supported by a network of
health care professionals” that includes “hundreds of pediatricians.” GFI has not documented this claim. Says Kathy Nesper, president of Artesia,
California-based Apple Tree Family Ministries, Ï don’t know who their doctors
are, but I’m not ware of a single International Board Certified Lactation
Consultant (IBCLC) who has publicly supported their program.
Calls from pediatricians and emergency-room physicians prompted the
Child Abuse Prevention Council of Orange County to conduct an extensive study
of GFI materials. Physicians had been
reporting a high incidence of dehydrated and failure-to-thrive children whose
parents were adhering strictly to the Ezzo program. Collen Weeks co-chaired the committee, which conducted a
detailed investigation of GFI materials spanning a year and a half before
releasing results in 1996. Weeks says,
“We established six criteria for healthy parenting education, and our committee
concluded the GFI materials met none of those standards.
GOD’S ONLY PARENTING PLAN? What
complicates matters, according to critics, is that GFI represents its principles
as being the only biblical prescribed approach to parenting. GFI materials acknowledge that the Bible is
silent on such issues as infant feeding.
But Nesper, whose ministry specializes in childbirth education and
family life education for young Christian couples, says, “The underlying
message is that their way is God’s way.
The Grace Community Church (John MacArthur’s church) statement supports
Nesper’s assessment. “Portraying
scheduled feeding as the true biblical practice, GFI strongly implies that
demand feeding should be regarded as an unbiblical, humanistic-even
sinful-approach to caring for infants.
As elders, we see no biblical basis for such dogmatism on this
issue. Phil R. Johnson, an elder at
Grace Community Church” and the statement’s main author, says the Ezzos “built
their program on credibility they borrowed from Grace Community Church.” Johns says that “the case could also be
made to suggest that those of us with serious concerns about Gary’s character
should have pursued the discipline process more aggressively.”
A CHORUS OF CRITICS: Focus on the Family cites the Ezzos’”misuse of biblical texts” as a “cause for serious concern.” Focus points that the Ezzos repeatedly cite Matthew 27:46 (where Jesus cries out from the cross “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”) in support of their teaching that mothers should refuse to attend to crying infants who have already been fed, changed, and had their basic needs met. Focus says, “We see no way to make such an application of this verse without completely disregarding its original context and purpose.
ÏNHIBITING EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT?
While many have focused their critique of GFI on the potential health
dangers to infants, others have raised concerns about possible negative psychological
and spiritual effect on children’s development. In November, marriage and family counselor Barbara Francis
focused on the GFI parenting program in a seminar at the annual meeting of the
American Association of Christian Counselors.
“The GFI model does not acknowledge God-designed levels of human
development,” says Francis, adding that she is uncomfortable with the Ezzo’s
advice to allow a baby to cry unattended.
Francis stressed the importance of two-and three-year-old children being
given the space to develop a “sense of self.”
Noting that, according to the Ezzos, “
‘no’ (a child’s response) is not
permitted” Francis says, “If a child
can never say ‘no,’ that child will not develop a sense of autonomy.” While “Ezzo children” may be more obedient,
Francis says that obedience will likely be rooted in fear of abandonment or
punishment rather than love.”
DEFENDING THE PROGRAM: Those
in a position to receive inquiries about GFI agree that its materials are
extremely popular and that its parenting philosophy has developed a following
that reaches far beyond the influence of Grace Community Church. Critics acknowledge that amid the ideas
they consider misleading or dangerous can be found much sound advice and many
helpful ideas.
GFI’s Web site includes testimonies and newspaper articles featuring
people whose family lives have improved as a result of GFI’s parenting
curriculum Growing Kids God’s Way.
Articles point out that the curriculum provides practical advice to help
children learn to respect their parents and to put other’s needs before their
own. For example, it suggests that
children not be allowed to begin eating dinner until whoever prepared it sits
down.
GFI’s lengthy response to the Grace Community Church statement can also
be found at its Web site (www.gif.org). According to that response, the Ezzos are
“deeply disappointed” by Grace’s
decision to issue the statement. Among
other things, GFI claims that for 30 months previous to the statement, no
member of Grace Church “pursued the
Ezzos on any church-related issue.”
Johnson refutes this claim and several others made by GFI. Beyond referring to its Web site, GFI
declined to respond to written questions.
Christianity
Today
Other Articles Worth Consideration
( I have these articles if you want me to send copies to you)
1. “The Ezzo Method,” Wall Street Journal, February 17th, 1998, by Barbara Carton.
2. “Babies in Danger,” Ladies Home Journal, April , 1999, by Jenny Deam.
3. “More than a Parenting Ministry: The Cultic Characteristics of Growing Families, International”,” Christian Research Journal, April, 1998, by Kathleen Terner and Elliot Miller.
Addresses
Of Other Organizations
1. “Focus on the Family”
(Jim Dobson)
Colorado Springs, Colorado 80995
(719) 531-5181
2. Grace Community Church of Sun Valley, California
(John MacArthur’s Church)
13248 Roscoe Blvd. Sun Valley, CA 91352
(818) 782-5920
3. Calvary Chapel of Costa Mesa, California
(Chuck Smith’s Church)
3800 S. Fairview Rd. Santa Ana, CA 92704
4. Evangelical Free Church of Fullerton, California
(Chuck Swindoll’s previous church)
Pastor Doug Haag: Associate Pastor of Family Ministries
Fullerton Evangelical Free Church in California
2801 N. Brea Blvd. Fullerton, CA 92835-2799
E-Mail doug@fefcful.org
5. Dr. Kent McClain
(Principal/ Pastor)
11625 W. Arlen Court , Boise, Idaho 83713
E-Mail Kent1750@CS.Com
Web Site http://ourworld.cs.com/kent1750
1 208 938-1595
6. Web sites
· RedRhino.mas.vcu.edu
· http://www.bhip.com/features/ezzo.htm
· http://www.fix.net/-rprewett/grace-ezzo.html